By the time Twelve comes home from school today it is quite possible that I will have removed her bedroom door. Yep, taken it right off the hinges...and the way she is acting right now, it may not go back up until she moves out of the house.
Twelve received a "progress note" for her Science class yesterday. She needed me to sign it, which I did. She had currently earned a grade that let's me know that she isn't even trying in that particular class...at least not on her tests. It just so happens that earlier in the day, I was speaking with Eventempered's mom, and she was telling me about three different opportunities for Twelve, and her daughter, to earn extra credit points totaling 25.
Twelve gave me the major eye roll and arms crossed across her chest attitude. Mind you the activities that Twelve can participate in are "fun". She can help clean up trash around the school this Saturday, for two hours, with classmates, family, friends, neighbors...(latex gloves supplied), that would earn her 10 extra credit points. She can go to a local teaching zoo and earn 5 extra credit points. The third extra credit opportunity, in which she can earn 10 more extra credit points is to create a menu for the family, which must include 3 meals for one day and be part of a balanced diet.
I have already emailed the teacher in charge of the "Clean-Up" day and told her to expect Twelve, I've also penciled in a time on my calendar for her to visit the local teaching zoo, and I'm sure that you can guess what Twelve and I will do when she gets home from school today. That's right...plan 3 well balanced meals for the family.
On one level, Twelve may be acting "typically twelve" but I feel so frustrated! I really don't know what, if anything, I can do to motivate her to care about school....Any suggestions?
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Okay...here's advice from a non-parent. I'm not sure there's any way to make Twelve want to learn right now...the desire is either there or it isnt. I think the best thing you can do for her is to remove the daily distractions that keep her from her schoolwork. Yes, I know she will probably hate you for removing her Internet time, Ipod, TV time, phone time and no amount of telling her "it's for your own good" will make her see the light but it really will be in her best interest in the long run. You'll just need to suck it up and accept her disdain for you until she's an adult.
Oh, and if you need help removing her door, I'll be back late tomorrow night. :-)
Lynn, meno had a post in november here and a follow-up post about motivating people. Be sure to check out the comments too.
I'm afraid the motivational techniques if been subjected to my not be effective for Twelve (water pistol, fresh food and belly rubs).
I don't have any experience with this...so feel free to ignore my suggestions.
Here's what I would try. Sit down with 12 and ask her what she wants to be when she grows up. try very hard not to laugh at anything she comes up with. Then ask her how she expects to get there.
She's old enough to know that if she wants to go to college that she needs good grades. She's also old enough to know that any good jobs are going to require going to college.
I think the biggest thing is to let her come to the conclusion that school is important on her own.
Good luck!
I've been scooped by a cat! Oh well, nothing new there.
In my opinion, motivation comes from within. There are some things you can do, threaten, deprive, yell, but how much of that are you willing to do? And does it work? All the things you can do are a temporary fix.
Now wasn't that helpful?
Having said that, i encourage you to do whatever you need to do, up to and including removing her door.
It sounds like the common theme here is that you can't really control the motivation, but you can control consequences. My only addition to the great advice already offered here would be to stick to your guns and be consistent -- which is so hard sometimes.
Good luck!
I do understand and can only tell you that some day she will be an adult and will never believe you when you describe her behavour. she will look you straight in the eye and not only deny it but also look at you like you are the best story teller in the world with the worst memory. I treated Auntie E so badly before J was born, I still feel guilty 47 years later.
When the kids turn 21, they completely forget how tough the teen years were. That's why most mothers hope their daughters have the same problems with their kids because only then do they understand how horrible it was.
Please don't tell me 12's menus includes our dinner in two weeks. I love 12 but remember I have a weak stomach.
I think Joan is right when she says you can't force someone to want to learn something.
Asking what her career goals are is also a good idea, because then you can reinforce the importance of doing well in school to get into a good college.
Sorry I have no suggestions other than what has been mentioned.
Good luck!
Joan - Thanks for the suggestions, and the offer of help...door has already been removed.
Patches - Water pistol, belly rubs...might get reported to child Protective Services if I resort to those suggestions. However, if my dog needs some motivation, I might just try those out on her.
Renee - Currently, Twelve just wants to NOT have to do the extra credit work...she can't seem to think beyond that right now.
Meno - I clearly want Twelve to care enough about her Science grade to want to earn the extra credit...I realize that I cannot make her care, but I can certainly make it unpleasant when she behaves unpleasantly.
Pam - You are so right...sticking to my guns and being consistent are both difficult and necessary.
Only Oldest - Have no fear, the only menu planning that Twelve had to do was on paper.
Patti - Thanks for the good luck wishes...I have been wishing me luck all day.
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