This morning, I had a meeting with two parents about their son. This school year, I have been working with their son two mornings a week, before school. I went out of my way, this school year, to get to work 1 hour earlier than I needed to, in order to be able to work with their son. I have been excited about the progress that their son has made. He has worked very hard and is now able to articulate what he wants to say better than before. Unfortunately this boy still doesn't speak 'normally', and is a long way from achieving that goal, but he surpassed any goal that had been set for him at the meeting which was held last year.
Instead of the parents thanking me for coming in early two days a week to work with their son, or thanking me for all of the hard work I have done with their son, they decided to complain about the lack of service their son received the previous year (mind you, I did not even work at that school last year) and the quality of therapy that he received this year. I will tell you that this really pissed me off.
How dare these parents insult the quality of therapy that I provide. I am a professional, and I take great pride in the work that I do. Why did they continue to bring their son for therapy, two mornings a week, before school, if they felt that the quality of therapy was lacking? Why didn't they come and watch the therapy (I always welcome parents)? Why didn't they make an appointment to speak with me months ago, if this was how they truly feel? Are they so angry that their son is not 'normal' that they are blaming me for his disability? Well fuck them! Their son has been on this planet for 14 years. I have only been a part of his life for 1 hour/week for the past 9 months...what miracle exactly was I supposed to perform?
The way that I am feeling right now, I will NEVER go out of my way again to help a student, based on a parents request. They say that no good deed goes unpunished...well is this case 'they' are absolutely right. I went out of my way to help this child, and I got bitten in the butt. This saddens me, because I love what I do and I love working with kids. I have always gone the extra mile in order to help a child reach their potential. Now that I've been burned by these parents...I think that presented with the same situation, I would make a different choice. I would tell the parents that I am sorry, but I cannot work with their child. You know what stinks about that? This boy made so much progress. His teachers all came to me throughout this school year telling me how much better he speaks and what a wonderful job I was doing. Yet because of these ungrateful parents, the next child will not be able to benefit from my 'good heart'. Their selfishness has ruined it for the next child. I hate these people.
If they had just thanked me for coming in early and not questioned my professionalism, I would have gone the extra mile to understand their frustrations...now, I wouldn't even walk two steps to try to understand them.
Instead of focusing on the progress their son has made, they chose to focus on their anger, and take their frustrations out on the wrong woman...I feel sorry for their son.
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16 comments:
Oh wow! That so sucks big time. Those "parents" don't deserve their child or all the hard work you put into him.
I'm glad to see that at least the other teachers noticed and acknowledged your hard work.
I really think that these parents need to be made aware of your feelings about how they treated you. I know that some people are just plain idiots...but I really think that it's a shame that our society in the name of being nice doesn't tell these idiots off...I mean how can they learn that such behavior is bad if they aren't told. I also know that some who are told don't care...and there in lies the trouble with the world.
Hugs to you. I know that there are lots more people out there who do appreciate you.
:-(
So sorry you had to deal with such clueless and rude parents. I hope you were able to stand up for yourself and the program during their gripe session! It only takes one (or two) bad apples... or so they say. But I have a feeling that your work ethic and values run too deep to change. When the anger fades, you will probably keep going the extra mile, at least to some extent. And that's not a bad thing. It's people like you who DO make a difference in a world with people like them.
You didn't deserve this and I hope a piano falls on them.
Thank you for doing it for their son.
I hope the parents get shingles. Talk about concentrating on the wrong thing. Grrrrr.
I think you may have hit the nail on the head, so to speak. I think the parents are frustrated that their son isn't "normal" rather than celebrating his accomplishments (and yours!). This is very sad, but I have seen it happen a lot. And what's even more sad is that people like you - people who take time out of their days to go that extra mile for someone in need - are hard to come by. And this is why. I hope they figure this out soon since it sounds like their son really benefited from your extra help.
Lynn, these ingrates are not worthy of your professionalism and good heart.
I'm sure their son benefitted from your help and that's the good part of the story.
I can't believe you said the F word. :-0
But I can understand your frustration.
There are plenty of parents out there who understand what it means to have a child with special needs. Obviously this poor boy has that other variety of parent.
Life is not about making things perfect. We are not broken people waiting for the right mechanic to fix us. Some cannot be fixed, but they can be improved and rendered more independent. It sounds as if the parents are preoccupied with the way their child's "flaws" reflects upon them as parents. All it really reflects is they are shallow.
Courage.
Renee - Thanks. These parents are ingrates who don't deserve their son...who happens to be an incredibly polite, sweet young man. (He must have learned his manners in school)
Pam - Thanks for your support. You're probably right about me continuing to go the extra mile...it's how I'm hardwired. A piano falling on them...hahaha
Meno - Shingles...that's another good one. heeheeheehahaha. Between Pam's piano and your shingles...I'm starting to feel better already.
Arm - The stupid thing is that I was all ready to offer to work with their son before school, next year, if there wasn't someone assigned to that school. (This was school #3 that I won't be going back to). I told the parents that I would have offered to do it again, but since they found my therapy somehow 'lacking' that I wouldn't be offering those services. (so there, take that!)
Patti - You are right. Those ingrates are NOT worthy of my professionalism...but their son is. That is what makes me so angry and sad. I can't believe I used the 'F' word in my post either...that's how mad I felt when I wrote it.
Patches - How right you are. I understand that these parents want their child to be 'normal'. But they are so caught up in what they want their son to accomplish right now, that they can't accept that their son needs to work at his own pace, and that he will accomplish what he accomplishes in his own time. It's too bad that they don't seem to be able to celebrate the wonderful child that he is.
Indeed, these parents are fools. Please, continue to work as you have done, despite the parents. As someone who has unique needs, I always appreciate those who take the obvious extra time to get me going in the right direction. You have a gift to be able to help someone, please stay with it...the stupid parents are too dense to recognize, but you had a profound influence on their son...you know that you made a difference.
Ralph - Thanks for the words of encouragement and support. I don't ever expect any 'Thanks' from parents (although when I get 'Thanks' I certainly appreciate them), but I definitely don't deserve the way these parents treated me. I feel for their son, who will have many doors closed on him due to his parents rudeness.
Try not to take it personally, it's got nothing to do with you. The boy made progress because of the work you did with him, that's a wonderful thing. You did a good thing.
Deb - Thanks...I know that you've experienced things from the parents perspective. The thing is, I care so much about the kids that I work with, that it's hard for me not to take an attack on the quality of my therapy, personally.
The same sort of thing happened to me, more than once, as a nurse. I work as a casual nurse which means I only have my patients for one day, which I find difficult but I decided I would give them the best damn care I could for those 8 hours.
One day I had a woman who was dying. I cared for her all day, washed her, made her comfortable, did as much as I could for her and I was proud of what I had done. The women was only in her fifties I think and was a no code, do not resusitate. I can't even remember what was wrong with her except that she was dying, that day. Near the end of my shift I called her sister to tell her that my patient was doing poorly and maybe she should come and be with her sister, at which point the sister attacked me verbally over the phone. Why was she a no code? Why wasn't something being done? Are you incompetent?
It was like being bitten by a snake, it shocked me and I felt mad. Mad because she hadn't appreciated all that I had done for my patient.
Now, I can look back and realize that it had nothing to do with me or what I had or had not done. The sister was dealing with her own issues and I happened to be handy to dump on.
Don't let what happened to you, stop you from helping those kids that need it. You're doing it for the kids, not for their parents, and those kids need you.
Well, it's all been said already, but don't let the parents poor attitudes affect your willingness to help others in the future. These folks are the exception. Karma will give you some very grateful parents and children who are a total joy to work with next time. Also, you've had a big impact on the boy's life. If nothing else, you know that you have his gratitude, even if he can't articulate that right now.
Natalie - I'm sure that with the passage of time my anger will dissipate...I'm already not quite as angry today...I know that I helped this boy...it's too bad that his parents aren't paying attention to what he is now able to do.
Lynn, maybe his grandparents or aunts and uncles will notice. Someone will pay attention and see his progress.
It may be that the parents have never felt safe enough, in the presence of an individual they could trust, who obviously appears to have not only their son's needs in mind but has been able to connect with him in a way that is bringing results they can see, and what you're reaping, however unfair it is to you personally, is that frustration, sense of being alone with the anguish a parent feels when they can see a disconnect between the way their child and other children experience and interact with the world. I'd second the don't take it personally approach, but then again, I don't know any of the people involved. Just an incomplete and unsolicited, relatively uninformed opinion.
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