Time: After school, but before an after school class
Characters: J, T, and X, all are Fifth Grade students at the Elementary school
Scene: J is hitting T with a lunch box, while T is sitting on the ground. (The events that led up to this had nothing to do with J, but instead took place between T and J's friend... X
Rules: T is not allowed to defend/protect himself by:
- pushing J
- shoving J
- hitting J
- kicking J
In addition, T is not allowed to grab J's leg and trip him.
The school expectation and only acceptable action by T, is that T will tell an adult.
Reality: No adult was present, or anywhere in the vicinity, so yelling for help was out of the question.
Result: As J continued to hit T with a lunch box (remember T was on the ground) T grabbed J's pants leg, and J's pants accidentally came down. (not his underwear, but his pants). So, T got in as much trouble as J, even though J was the one who was doing the assulting (with the lunch box) and T was just trying to get J to stop.
Given these parameters can anyone please tell me, how is a child supposed to defend/protect themselves from being hit with a lunch box, while they are on the ground?
9 comments:
Wow! That is really tough. Did T try to tell the adults after the fact that there were none around and by the way...Where were the adults??? (how about they get in trouble for not supervising the children?!?!?!)
I mean it seems silly to tell a child that his only recourse is something that isn't available to him.
I think that T was totally justified in his actions...at least the only damage to J was a tiny bit to his dignty.
In my book the use of a weapon in the act of a crime is much worse than the depanting of a bully. Oh and hiring a hitboy (X having his friend beat up someone for him) should get X in trouble as well.
re: comment post. I usually just copy the comments into a post box and then add my comments to it. If I wanna go all out and add links to the commenter I cut and paste the comments to a word doc and then paste it to a blogger post box and then add in the links...I don't know why I throw in the extra step...although sometimes it's helpful if I know I'm gonna need some time to compose my answers. I try to be as truthful as possible while keeping things humorous...so sometimes it takes a bit of time to come up with a witty answer (the brain doesn't work as quickly as it used to.)
Tough call on this. Boys can really get stuck in tough situations such as T's. I remember being there a few times. It's not possible for T to pretend nothing happened is it?
I also am wondering why no adult was present supervising children on school grounds. That's not right, even if it was after school.
I think that T showed great restraint and should not be punished. Further, as a parent I would go to bat for him with the school and raise such a stink that they would have no doubt as to who was the assailant and who was the victim so as to make them think twice about punishing the victim. Especially, as Renee pointed out, the only recourse the school wanted him to take was not available.
We taught our son to defend himself. Not take revenge. There's a difference. Defending yourself means you're making the person stop. Revenge is getting even after the fact -- not always the easiest thing for a boy to do because, well, they're boys. I don't care how many noble rules a school has in place, the fact still remains that there are bullies who bully and they certainly aren't following the rules. More power to the victim who makes them stop.
Allowances should be made or T's conduct since the school did not hold up their end of the bargain by providing the adult supervision. Personally I don't think it's fair to hold kids responsible for a higher code of conduct than grown ups.
If I were T's parent, I would meet with school officials (unless T requested I not) and make certain they understood the situation. But honestly, I wouldn't expect it to accomplish much regarding T's punishment. School policies reflect they don't care to sort through he said, he did altercations. They prefer to punish all involved in an effort to discourage the behavior at all. It isn't effective as a deterrent, and the wrong kids get punished. Unfortunately T is probably getting an early taste of why life isn't fair.
I suppose if I had been the ten yea old in T's situation, the temptation would have been for me to just go for it after I pantsed him. Especially if I knew I was going to get in trouble regardless. I know...not what you wanted to hear.
It's a sad commentary on our times when a child cannot defend himself. I guess if I were T's parents I would meet with school officials to try to work it out.
You know Uncle Bill would have been at J's house telling his parents off as only he could.
Renee - T, Ten, my son, told me about what happened when I picked him up from school. The yard duty personnel were no where to be found, and the school has been made aware of this.
Egan - Ten told me what happened, and was fully prepared for the incident to be over. Other than me, he didn't plan to tell any adults at school about what happened. It was J (the instigator)that made this into a big deal.
Patti - That was my question to the Principal, who tried to assure me that yard duty personnel were around. I asked him then why the yard duty personnel didn't intercede when Ten was being hit by a lunch box. Silence was the reply.
Pam - DH and I actually told Ten that we think that he handled the sitation in a very mature manner. Depantsing the other boy, although by accident, certainly was a brillant way to make J stop hitting him with the lunch box.
Ms. Chica - I wrote a two page letter to Ten's teacher delineating the situation. I then followed up with a phone call to the Principal, since he met with Ten and J (after I asked to be present at any further discussion on the matter). You are so right when you say that "They prefer to punish all involved in an effort to discourage the behavior at all. It isn't effective as a deterrent, and the wrong kids get punished." That is exactly the way that Ten feels, and why I felt compelled to pursue that matter.
The Moose Buyer - My issue really isn't with J, or his parents, my issue is with a school district that punished both parties in an altercation, even when only one is at fault.
I am sorry this happened. But i am smiling a little at the image in my mind.
Schools are like the military, they may not be right, but they are never wrong.
Meno - I've never heard that saying (I must be living in a cave) but it certainly is true. I have a feeling that I may find myself quoting you.
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