As the story continues, I think I failed to mention that everything came to a head because one and 1/2 weeks after the fact (that would be last Friday), J decided to talk to his teacher and fabricate a story about how Ten twisted his arm behind his back.
Ten admitted accidently depantsing J, but stated that he did not twist J's arm behind his back.
J claimed over and over again that he did NOT hit Ten with a lunch box and that Ten twisted his arm behind his back.
After the meeting this Monday with the Principal, Ten continued stating that he did not twist J's arm behind his back. J however, finally admitted that he did hit Ten with a lunch box.
So if you need help following this convoluted tale J not only hit Ten with a lunch box, but he also LIED about it. J then falsely accused Ten of twisting his arm behind his back. Yet they both got in the same amount of trouble.
Lesson learned: If someone hits you, you might as well hit them back twice as hard, because unless you are willing to be a human punching bag, and be pummeled, you will get in just as much trouble as the lying assaulter. Oh yeah, and evidently the school district condones lying.
Ten continues to have some values (taught to him by DH and me). He knows that lying is not o.k. despite what the school says. I just worry that the next time someone hits him, he will be reluctant to defend himself because he will know that if he makes any move to protect himself, other than searching for an adult to tell, he will get in trouble (certainly not by mom and dad), but by the school.
Isn't it nice knowing what children are learning in school?
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This is one of those subjects that my dear husband and I have discussed at great length. He feels that kids need to stick up for themselves regardless of the consequences because if they do not they become an easy target for all the boys. He thinks boys are always looking for that weak kid to harass and everyone gets targeted at some point. So if someone hits you or threatens to hit you, it is important that you show them that you wont take it. Even if that kid is bigger than you and you get beat up, and even if you get in trouble, standing up for yourself will ensure that other kids will think twice before they start stuff with you. If you turn the other cheek they will know that they can do whatever they want to you and you will turn the other cheek. Well that is his Man's perspective about school. I wonder what your husband says? I have never been in a physical altercation in my life, so what do I know.
I agree with Marsha's DH. Kids do need to learn to stand up for themselves. I think our school system does a great dis-service to our kids in teaching them to "take it" and just tell an Adult. Because later in life these poor kids are still taking it and the bullies keep on terrorizing them.
I'm so sorry to hear that Ten's school is teaching them that lying is okay. But I'm glad he has his parents who believe in him and who told him to knock the stuffin out of that kid next time.
It's a disheartening to know that all the values you and DH have worked to instill in Ten are invalidated the moment he sets foot on campus.
BTW, Ten's restraint during the altercation is admirable, and probably exceeds what he would learn in scouts. Baseball rock on!
That is not good that the school teaches children that it's OK to lie.
I'm sure you and your husband will always be able to counteract that wacky thinking though.
I agree with Marsha's DH and maybe a little with Uncle Bill's hit first and ask questions after policy.
I do know how much restraint it took for 10 and I am so very proud of him not to fight back. I don't think I would have been that easy.
Ah, the truth and consistency, what they don't teach in school. Ten has to protect himself when necessary. If the school board has no interest in their schools following clear and consistent rules about staffing the school grounds...or about having a zero tolerance policy toward lying,well...schools used to be about character
Glad Ten has parents who teach him well but it still stinks that he's being punished by the school.
Grrr.
Dear Lynn,
There is an award waiting for you over at my place. Ho Ho Ho
Ahhhh...it's not easy being a parent (or a student) these days. You know how I feel about all this since we've had many talks about it this week. I sure hope you eventually hear from Ten's teacher.
Marsha - My husband and I are both in agreement that if someone hits you, you hit them back twice as hard. Otherwise you set yourself up as a victim. Unfortunately, Ten chooses to follow the school rules, and not our advice, when he is at school.
Renee - The school district certainly encourages bullying, by letting bullies know that the "good" kids won't fight back.
Patches - Ten is definitely a rule follower and works hard not to break the rules. I wish the school district would stop undermining the values we have taught him.
Patti - It gets harder and harder to reinforce that lying is a bad thing, when the school's principal condones it.
The Moose Buyer - Ten can exercise self restraint, when he wants to. I wish he did it more when it came to interactions with his sister.
Ralph - Kids used to be afraid if they were called to the princpals office...not so much anymore. With the lack of respect for authority, by not only students but their parents as well, it is no small wonder why the district condones lying...they realize that they have no backing from parents to ensure that the children tell the truth.
Pam - It is so tough, as a parent to tell your child that there are consequences for lying, (which there are in our household) and then for him to see that there are no consequences for lying at school. Grrrr again.
Patti - Oh goody, an award. I am heading over now.
Joan - I am sure that I will never hear from his teacher even though the principal told me she wants to talk to me.
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