I had a tough meeting with a parent today at one of my schools. Mother walked into this meeting angry at everyone and everything. I think the bottom line is that this mother is angry that her high-school aged daughter has learning disabilities and while the school has developed a program that is helping her daughter, it has not 'fixed' her daughter.
I take my job very seriously. I take pride in what I do. I love working with students who have communicative disorders, and I know that I do a great job helping them.
This mother hated my report, which surprised me, because her daughter is doing well and no longer qualifies, or needs, my help. This is supposed to be a good thing, however, since her daughter still has other problems, mother came into the meeting ready to argue about everything. Her anger and mistrust were really clouding her ability to be open and hear that her daughter has made significant progress and no longer qualifies, or needs, my services.
I watched the mother during this meeting. Questioning everyone about every little thing that they did to assess her daughter. She clearly was angry and mistrustful. So I offered to test her daughter in a different area of communication , and I asked the mother if she would be willing to sit in the room while I test her daughter. That way, she can see the test as it is being given, she can observe her daughters responses, and then I will go over the results with the mother. I wanted to reasssure the mother, that I am not trying to hide anything, and that truly I am also an advocate for her daughter. Mother slowly warmed up to the idea, and by the time we had scheduled an appointment for me to assess her daughter, she felt much happier.
It amazes me, that for me to do such a small thing (offer the mom the opportunity to watch me test her daughter) which is no big deal to me, (as I have nothing to hide), hopefully helped this mother know that I am not the enemy, that I am not trying to cheat her daughter out of services, and that I am a professional who wants what is best for her child. I am hopeful that after the mother sees what I do, that she will trust me, and the testing that I do.
And I think, that maybe, just maybe, this mother will walk away from the situation feeling more comfortable with the progress that her daughter has made.
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14 comments:
You are a true professional! I am so proud of my baby sister!!!
I commend this mom for fighting for her daughter and I also commend you for giving this child your best and helping her to improve. You have a really tough job and you deserve far more than we can ever afford to give you (or the government is willing to spend on you.)
I hear too many stories of parents who are not involved or are involved too late. My Step-dad is a teacher. He complains that he sends home notice after notice that a child isn't doing well, but it isn't until the child is about to be held back that his parents finally come in screaming about their precious angel being held back...and most of the time they end up getting the child passed...to only go on to the next grade even farther behind. What is that going to do for our future?
This was a difficult situation and you handled very well. It's easy to be overprotective of our kids, and shoot the messenger. She obviously determined the outcome of the meeting before she ever introduced herself. Having seen friends try to prevent their kids from slipping through the cracks in education, I do understand her concerns, but I don't advocate her anger.
Joan - Thanks for your support.
Renee - I always support parents who are advocating for their children. It's just tough when the parents are so blinded by their anger, that they walk into a meeting ready to 'do battle', instead of walking into a meeting open to hear what the professionals have to say.
Patches - Unfortunately, there are people (I won't call them professionals) 'out there' who don't necessarily keep the focus on the children. This makes parents angry (and rightly so). It just makes it tough on those of us who are professionals and really truly try to do what is not only right for the child, but also what is best for the child.
You did a good thing. I've been that mum. You get so tired of fighting for things for your kid that you end up mad at everyone and everything. You helped her.
That is an excellent thing that you did. You were able to come up with a solution that was good for both the mom and the school. Sometimes educators get so involved in being "right" (or not looking bad - because some people would not want to have her present during the re-test) that they don't hear the true fears of the parent. I'm glad that you are not that way.
You did a great job handling that upset mother.
You do have a tough job, Lynn.
Deb - Thanks. I believe I did.
Arm - I have absolutely no ego when it comes to my job. My soul focus is to do what is right for the students. I have had parents and administrators angry with me, which is fine with me as long as I am standing up for the student.
Patti - Thanks...sometimes it's a harder job than others.
Congratulations on a job well done.
It makes me feel very proud of you to hear this story. Thank you for trying to reach beyond her anger. You are awesome.
It's hard to reach out to someone who is angry - nice going. It must make things difficult for you when you have to deal with parents with attitudes.
Marsha - Thanks.
Meno - Aw Shucks...I might have been awesome in this instance, but I am still a strong contender for the 'Meanest Mom of the Year' award.
Pam - What makes it tough is that I really feel for these parents. Having done what I do for so many years, I have seen many parents in pain. It's far easier for me, to comfort them when they cry, than it is to show compassion when they are angry. I try my best, either way.
How did the testing go? Is mom happy now? Good for you for standing up and handling the situation like a pro.
Nancy - Thanks for asking. I am supposed to test the student in 1 1/2 weeks...I will post an update at that time.
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