Thursday, August 16, 2007

Too Much Togetherness?

As much as I am enjoying this vacation, I feel that maybe there is just too much togetherness happening.

Not so much with the kids and I (I'm used to spending alot of time with them) but with DH and I. I find that I am much more relaxed when we are not with each other all of the time. I can do what I want to do, and not have to consider, or even think about, what he is wanting to do at any given moment. I like that freedom and independence.

I know that I wouldn't want to be alone all the time (been there done that), but I also know that I don't want to be together all of the time.

I wonder how other people deal with so much togetherness.

17 comments:

Marshamlow said...

We bicker. Remember the in-laws on Everybody Loves Raymond? That is us.

Renee Nefe said...

I'm so much happier when DH is at work too. He's so annoying when he's home.

I wonder when that changed? I remember in the beginning wanting to be together all the time. Now I can't wait until he's gone because he's driving me NUTS!

*sigh* Glad the rest of the vacation is going well though.

Patti said...

um..........I'll get back to you on this.
Homer and I have been spending a lot of time together since he was laid off.

ms chica said...

This post makes me smile. I'm the one who needs the only time, while my other half prefers that we smother one another. His job, however prevents this from happening too often. I do wonder how we will cope when he retires in five years.

Joan said...

And now you know why I am sooooo happy that Rick has golf as his retirement passion. When he goes off to play a round, I breathe a huge sigh of relief.

armalicious said...

I've noticed in conversations with some of my girlfriends that they like their alone time. Society & film always create this stigma that women are smothering, but it's really the opposite, isn't it? Anyway, I feel you on this one...Mr. ARM and I have a nice schedule set to where we aren't around the other ALL the time. And when he changed his schedule to where he had SAturday's off, he didn't understand why I was upset. But Saturday was my day to sleep in alone and have the whole day to myself to do what I want. He thought he was doing something nice. I had to explain to him that because of his schedule (he works a lot of nights), he gets 3 days a week to where he gets to sleep in by himself and have the house to himelf. I only had 1. And then I didn't. WE've adjusted,though, to where he does his own thing on Saturdays now.

As for vacations...we always schedule an "alone" day to where we can do activities without the other. It's kind of nice and has worked out very well for our vacations ever since we started doing it a few years ago.

meno said...

I hear you.

On vacation, we arrange to spend time just reading or walking or whatever, so we don't have to interact all the time.

Lynn said...

Marsha - Haven't seen Everybody Loves Raymond, but I get the picture.

Renee - You understand.

Patti - I think that I would go nuts...no offense to Homer.

Ms. Chica - DH and I were talking about retirement and even though it's a long way off, the thought of so much togetherness scares me.

Joan - Maybe I'll have to get DH to take up golf.

Arm - I think you got that right. It does seem to me that women are far more self sufficient and comfortable with their aloneness. I love that I work part-time and am able to have time at home when the DH isn't there, so that I can do what I want. It's funny, on the weekend if I try to give DH alone time he thinks I am rejecting him. Clearly different perspectives on the same issue. sigh

Meno - What a great idea. We also spend time reading while on vacation and it definitely helps. For us, it's the differences in our approaches on what to do, and when to do it, that creates the tension.

Renee Nefe said...

Hopefully our anniversary goes better next week.

Lynn said...

Renee - Yeah, maybe he won't be quite as dense next week;~)

Anonymous said...

I went away by myself this summer and it was wonderful to not have to worry about whether or not my husband was having a good time, he doesn't often, or so it seems. I prefer not to spend too much time with him. Sounds awful but he's worked out of town our entired married life, I'm used to being alone and I like it. Doesn't bode well for his retirement or our future together.

Lynn said...

Deb - You spend so much time and energy taking care, and worrying about Katie, that it is no small wonder that you enjoy time with one less person (namely your husband) to worry about. I think that many women worry about what will happen during retirement when their husbands are suddenly underfoot. I think the trick may be, to be sure that the husband has a hobby, or some other interest that will continue to take him away from the house.

the moose buyer said...

Now you know why I am not married. I love the freedom to do as I please. I do however, have a couple of cousins who I absolutely need to spend more time with.

Michele said...

I love togetherness with my husband but that's about it. I haven't any kids and I think I would go bananas if I did. Hubby is enough... but we give each other space when we need to.... but we have so much in common that it's really hard to separate anyways because everything I like to do he likes to do and visa versa....

Lynn said...

The Moose Buyer - I agree, you do need to spend more time with your cousins...especially since you're planning to move to Iowa in two years.

Michele - How wonderful for you and your husband that you have so much in common and still are willing to give each other space when you need it. It sounds like the perfect arrangement.

Renee Nefe said...

re: camping inside. That's our little tent (the one I was going to use as a bathroom.)

I picked that up for $20 at Big Lots a few years back. other than the window having the zippers on the outside and the door being attached at the bottom, it's a great little tent. It was outside for 2 nights in the rain and never leaked.

That one is 7X7 I think. then we have a 9x7 and then the big 10x14 w/ the screen porch.

she just did camping at GS camp, but they stayed in Platform tents on cots. I think she MUST be trying to do it solo. Shoot, I don't think that I could do solo outside either...brave kid!

Lynn said...

Renee - Very brave kid!