The other day I told Patti, in my comment section, that I had had an epiphany, and that I would share it at a later time. Since I am currently away on vacation, I figured now would be the time to share it.
Ten, Twelve and I went to the pool the other night. There were alot of people there. Around one of the tables sat 5 men smoking cigars, in the jacuzzi sat 3 adults and 5 kids, and in the pool there were 3 kids swimming and playing around.
Ten and Twelve went into the pool and started to play together. I proceeded to grab a chair and sit down away from any of the other people. I knew a couple of the men smoking cigars, and I also knew all three of the adults in the jacuzzi, yet I decided against approaching either of the groups.
After a while, Ten proceeded to start playing with the other kids. Twelve swam over to the deep end and pretty much kept to herself. (Both Ten and Twelve knew all of the kids at the pool.) As much as I wanted Twelve to join in with the games and conversation that the other kids were having, I realized that that just doesn't fit her personality.
I've worried about Twelve and her tendency to shy away from people. I've worried about her lack of comfort when in a group. I've wanted Twelve to be more comfortable speaking with people, and making friends. I've wanted Twelve to be more like me...willing to speak with anyone and everyone. (which I do when I am out and about). Yet I realized, that if there is a situation where I might have prolonged conversation with someone I'm not all that interested in, I prefer my own company. I guess that my epiphany was that really, Twelve is like me in many ways (poor thing), prefering her own company over engaging in conversation with people who don't interest her.
About Me
- Lynn
- I'm a mom, the primary care giver for my elderly mother, and I work 24 hours/week. I'm tired. I need to sleep. That about sums it up.
Someday...
...I'll make time to recharge my batteries
Why I am so tired...
I"d Like To Thank The Academy...
13 comments:
See how smart Twelve is? Just like her mama.
Sounds like a smart kid who isn't afraid to be left alone with her own thoughts! It takes some kids a long time to feel that comfortable and secure in themselves.
Twelve is a girl with her own mind who is perfectly capable of deciding when and where she will engage in conversation with others...good for her!!!
Hope the vacation is going well...of course, I know it is thanks to your phone calls. Keep having fun...and drive safely coming home...and anywhere and anytime else.
we call that being "Discriminating" and DD does that too. I'm okay on my own as well, but I love chatting with folks too. And DD is making more friends all the time...I don't think that this year's bday party is going to be just two girls again (sigh)!
It took me a long time to get DD figured out, and I still don't know what goes on in her head all the time. And then there are the times when she expects me to know what's going on in there and I have to tell her I can't read her mind...but just last night she was saying something about how I had known exactally what she was thinking. ARGH! Yeah, I was a kid once too and know some situations, but not all of them.
There is definitely nothing wrong with being that way and I'm glad that you were able to see that your daughter was similar to you. It sounds like, from what you've posted in the past, that Twelve has a few close friends. And, honestly, it's what I prefer as well. I'm just not comfortable in big group settings if I don't know people and I will choose to "watch" rather than to "engage" myself.
ARM described me so well, I won't bother repeating myself.
As an adult, I learned to engage in mindless chit chat for the sake of being polite, but I usually formulate an exit strategy when It becomes apparent I have nothing to contribute.
Like the others said, choosing to be alone indicates a self assurance that some people don't achieve.
I'm very introverted and often can't be bothered with chit chat, it's boring. I am learning how to do it and find it does make life easier at times but it's work.
I had that same epiphany not that long ago. My sixteen year old is stubborn, opinionated and hard to get along with. She's just like me. Yikes!
A friend of mine who moved away has a daughter the same age as Kid One. She said at the time (the girls were about 8) that looking at her daughter felt like looking into a mirror.
Meno - I don't know how smart that makes her. I hope that she makes better choices than I did, and avoids some of the pain/hurt that I went through.
Pam - Twelve feels comfortable with herself, but I don't know if it's because she's comfortable with who she is, or if it's because she's shy and insecure.
Joan - Strong-willed is definitely one word that describes Twelve.
Renee - Discriminating is a lovely way to describe that behavior. What a nice positive spin!
Arm - Twelve definitely is a 'watcher' until she is comfortable in a situation.
Ms. Chica - Knowing Twelve's personality, I worry that she will never develop the ability to engage in idol chit chat. (which can be a valuable tool). However, since you say that you developed that ability as an adult, then maybe she will develop it as well. (I hope)
Deb - Isn't it amazing what we can learn from our children? Some of it can be quite painful. I want my kids to have all of my good attributes, and none of the bad. Alas, that is not how it is working out. sigh
Patti - Wise friend. I've noticed how Ten's outgoing (and sometimes annoying) personality is very like mine, but since Twelve is so quiet, I never noticed how like me her quietness can be.
This is not a bad thing. So many kids seem to have this thing about having a lot of friends is what's most important. Having a few good friends is better. It seems that twelve (much like Kid1) doesn't want to discuss superficial things that don't interest her with people that aren't, well, interesting. Nothing wrong with that, real friends are far more interesting...
Ralph - You are correct, yet for some reason I still worry about her unwillingness to engage in polite small talk. I guess I don't want people to think that she is 'stuck up'.
i have had a few moments like this too with kiddo this summer...sort of...in that, i noticed he shies away from large groups of kids he doesn't know, and has a hard time sometimes jumping in an playing...he goes between the two words of introvert and extrovert....and knowing my own issues with introversion...i worry that i have handed this down to him....
Chai - It's amazing what we, as mothers, take on as our burden.
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