My neighbor across the street has pancreatic cancer. She was diagnosed a few months ago and has undergone chemotherapy. She seemed to be responding to the chemo, but now I haven't seen her in a while.
My hubby ran into her husband out in front of our houses and her hubby said that she isn't doing too well. I haven't been over there in a while and now feel really awkward. I don't know whether or not it is o.k. for me to go over to see how she's doing, and see if they need anything. Has it been too long since I've gone over there and now it's too late? Is there an appropriate time period and I've inadvertently exceeded it?...and if I go over there, what do I say? I feel really inept and don't want to say or do (or not do for that matter) anything that might make either her or her hubby feel worse.
I realize that her illness is not about me (although this post is). I feel helpless knowing that there really isn't anything that I can do to make it all better. We were "pleasant greetings, I'll feed your dog for you while you're gone" kind of neighbors before she was diagnosed. Never really close, just polite and neighborly to each other. Now I feel like I've dropped the ball and that I should have been doing more...more what? I haven't a clue.
I could sure use Emily Post, right about now, to tell me what the proper etiquette is in this kind of situation. I am worried about my neighbor, and feel guilty that I haven't done something...only I don't know what I should be doing...any suggestions?
About Me
- Lynn
- I'm a mom, the primary care giver for my elderly mother, and I work 24 hours/week. I'm tired. I need to sleep. That about sums it up.
Someday...
...I'll make time to recharge my batteries
Why I am so tired...
I"d Like To Thank The Academy...
9 comments:
I know how you feel - I've gone through these emotions too many times. Maybe call her husband and find out if there is anything they need before you go over - kind of test the waters with how she's feeling about visitors. But I really do not think she will think it awkward or out of line for you to go over there and visit - even after the absence of you visiting of late. She will probably be so ecstatic to have you come over and it will make both of you feel oh so good.
Take it from someone who's been in your position before...you will feel even more guilty if you don't do something now and then it becomes too late. Why not make some treat and bring it over there just to say "hi." Your neighbor may long for some company just to distract her from her condition and the same may be true for her husband. I know it's hard but I also know you can do it!
Perhaps they need someone to bring them meals. You could call the husband and see if they need this and see if other neighbors would like to help as well.
When we do something like this, we put an ice chest on the front porch to leave the meals in...then if the person wants a visit they leave a note saying so...and if they don't there is no note and the meal is just left.
If they're already getting meals, see if there is something else you can do.
I think you should go over there and just be yourself. She will know why you came over and you two can chat.
I don't know most of my neighbors well but I'd like to think I'd stop in to visit if someone was so ill.
Good idea to ask the husband first if you're nervous about going over, or if she cannot answer the door.
Off topic: no prob on the misspelling of aging.
;-)
I agree go over. Maybe you can bring a basket of fruit, a favorite book or DVD. I like the meals idea too. Good luck, I think if you do it you will feel better than if you don't.
Dammit, my comment didn't save and I had some excellent advice for your neighbor situation. Well, mainly I agreed with other commenters on their suggestions. Approach the husband and go from there.
Arm - That's a great idea to call her husband...he would be the best judge as to whether or not she wants company.
Joan -Thanks for the vote of confidence.
Renee - That's a great idea about meals and the ice chest...will speak to her husband first, and then if needed try to rally the neighbors.
Marsha - Bringing a good book or DVD over might be just the thing! I'll ask her husband.
Egan - Approaching the husband is something that I can do.
I would think that the only time it would be too late is when it's really too late. You won't have any regrets if you reach out.
Pam - You are right. I wimped out and asked a different neighbor how this particular neighbor was doing...Now I feel that I can call.
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