Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Same Senario...Different Results

Yesterday I wrote about how greatful I was that my sister was able to help me out with Ten's doctor appointment. It made me remember another time, not too long ago, only it wasn't a request for help from my sister, instead, the request for help was asked of my sister-in-law, with very different results.

Six years ago, Twelve was six and Ten was just four. My father was in the hospital dying. I asked my sister-in-law if she could possibly watch Twelve for me (remember Twelve was only six) for a few hours in the afternoon, so that I could spend time with my mother and sister at the hospital dealing with what was happening to my father. Ten (who was four) was in preschool at the time. Well my SIL who always talked about how important family was and that she would do anything for her family...told me that she couldn't possibly watch Twelve/Six for me because she had to go shopping for baby furniture with her boyfriends daughter-in-law.

I had to take Twelve/Six with me to the hospital every afternoon, and dd had to sit with my mother, my sister and I in the waiting room playing games and coloring, while my mom, sis, and I took turns visiting with my dying father. This went on for a few weeks. Never once from the time that my father entered the hospital until the day he died, did my SIL ever offer to help out. Six years later, I still haven't forgiven the bitch!


egan said...

Strong words there, but I think they're deserved. You'd think she could have offered to do something somehow. Some people don't know how to react in those situations and we can see SIL failed the test.

Patti said...

Lynn, I guess you don't have too many family gatherings that include this woman.
Some people are really self-centered. But as you know, what goes around, comes around.

patches said...

I agree with you, Lynn, SIL did not step up to the plate. Is SIL hubby's sister? I'm a little curious as to his take on the situation. I'm not defending her actions, in any way, but I have seen a lot families do things very differently.

You're right for not wanting to expose your kids to a hospital waiting room at that age. It is such a somber, adult place.

Joan said...

What you left out but what your readers should know is that you were there for your SIL during her times of need...when her husband passed away, when she suffered through a serious health crisis, when she had to deal with a serious problem with her adult son. I think that's what's most sad...your SIL doesn't seem to understand the idea of reciprocity. It just seems to be "all about her."

meno said...

Wow, that's a truly lame excuse. I guess you learned something about her that you should never forget.

Renee said...

wow! I would be very mad at SIL too.

Of course I don't think that my actions were all that great when my FIL died. The night of the viewing DD & I were at the house with BIL & Neice. We were expecting everyone to be home in time for dinner...so I waited for them to make anything to eat. And they didn't get back until very late...it seems that SIL didn't bring her DD to the viewing until very late and so the family stayed longer to accomidate her. I was a nursing mother and my blood sugar had dropped a lot so I had a very big fit with mostly DH (for not calling to let me know they were running late) but I was snippy with everyone because I didn't get any food. They of course didn't care about the food...I don't think they even ate. And of course I still feel like a big pile of poop about that.

only oldest said...

All I can say is that I hope she never reads this. It made me think that you haven't mentioned her in a very long time. Oh well you know the old saying "you can pick your friends but you can't pick your relatives". I am happy to be one of your relatives.

Lynn said...

Egan - You're right...those are strong words that I used. Clearly, I am still angry at her two-faceness (don't know if that's a word, but I'm using it anyway). Her words still say that family is so important, but her actions tell a different story. I really don't like phony's...can you tell?

Patti - We see SIL very rarely.

Patches - Yes, SIL is dh's sister. He feels the same way that I do. Hubby's sister has disappointed hubby many times throughout his life...it's a long story...someday with hubby's permission, I may share it.

Joan - I didn't mention what I did for SIL because I didn't do those things for the accolades or even with the thought that she would repay me someday. You are so right...for her, it IS "all about her".

Meno - Believe me...I've clearly not forgotten it. The problem is that she is hubby's only sibling...and I feel bad for hubby. I've tried over the ensuing years to be a bigger person, and put the experience behind me... and for the most part I have been successful, but the memory, and the feelings, at times, still bite me in the butt, and then I get angry all over again. (sigh)

Renee - At least you recognize that you acted like a big "Poop", and I would suspect that eventually you apologized to your dh. SIL still to this day, doesn't feel that she did anything wrong. She was able to make a positive impression on her then boyfriend and his family. Now they are married, so I guess she got what she wanted. The impression she made on non-family was so much more important to her than helping family out. How pathetic was that?

Only Oldest- To my knowledge SIL does not know that I have a blog. My thought is that even if she were to read it, she would gloss over anything negative about her...which really means that she would never read this post.

egan said...

I can tell Lynn. You don't need to be apologetic. This SIL seems like a real piece of work.

Lynn said...

Egan - A piece of work...what a nice way to describe her. I'll have to remember that euphanism for future blogs.