Twelve came home from school today, showed me a mark on her left shin and told me that a boy in one of her classes kicked her because she refused to give one of his friends some index cards.
Me: "Twelve did you kick him back?"
Twelve: "No."
Me: "Too bad. You should have kicked him twice as hard as he kicked you."
Me: "Did you tell the teacher what happened?"
Twelve: "No, I really didn't want to end up dealing with the dean".
Me: "Do you want me to email your teacher so that she knows what happened?"
Twelve: "Yes, and tell the teacher that "T" is an asshole!"
Me: "I don't think that I need to tell the teacher that."
Twelve: "Too bad...are you mad at me for using that word (asshole)?... because he is you know."
My response was to roll my eyes.
I did email the teacher about what happened. Even though I work with Middle School and High School students, I don't often come across these types of incidents. I'm not sure if I should have lectured Twelve about her right to defend herself. (I'm sure that would definitely have rated an eyeroll from her). Am I being an over protective mother by emailing the teacher (with Twelve's permission)? What I really wanted to do was find "T" and kick him twice as hard as he kicked Twelve...lucky for him, I'm an adult, and I have self control. It made me mad that someone would hurt my kid, and though I realize that the mark on her leg will fade, what message has this boy, and my response to this incident, given my daughter about men?
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13 comments:
1) You are not being overprotective.
2) i want to kick T's ass too, and twelve isn't even my kid.
3) Tell twelve that this is a very appropriate use of the word asshole.
You pose difficult questions. ;-)
I don't know if what a 12-year old boy does would give your daughter a message about men.
He sounds like a jerk and I am sure Twelve realizes that not all males are like that. Sounds like she was interacting with one of his friends, and no doubt he is a male, right?
I don't for a minute think you are being overprotective. And as far as Twelve is concerned, I have faith that she will judge each male individually for the jerk or nice guy that he is.
I don't think you're being overprotective. I think that boys from a very young age should learn that girls are special and should be treated like royalty...okay, I'm kidding of course here...but it is NEVER okay for a boy to hit or kick a girl. If she kicks or hits, you tell a grown up, you don't hit or kick back. Yeah, this is a sore spot with me.
I may take a lot of heat for this comment, but I think that ignoring this behavior now can lead to a future abuser. I hope the school takes a no tolerance policy.
She really has to let it go and have you handle it from here. Just walk away from this crap. Don't worry, the boy will get worked over by other kids sick and tired of his crap. There's no need for her reciprocate his weak actions.
Meno - Thanks for your support. Clearly she didn't get in trouble for using the word asshole. Teacher told me that "T's" a bully who has been kicked out of 2 other classes and that the dean is quite aware of his problems. Mind you, this is middle school. He's in seventh grade. I recommended to the teacher that this boy get some help.
Patti - You are correct, she was interacting with one of his friends. (see my comment to Meno)
Joan - Thanks. I noticed that you put the word "jerk" before "nice" guy...freudian slip?
Renee - I tell Ten that "girls are delicate flowers" and that he has to treat them with respect. He knows that it's not o.k. to hit a girl.
Egan - Unfortunately Twelve has three classes with "T". I have told her to stay away from him. Since the teacher in the class in question has been notified, he will not be near her during that class. As far as "T, the asshole" being worked over by the other kids, well, he's a bully and has been on T.V. and thinks that he's "all that".
I think you need to get involved, but I agree that Twelve should stay away from him.
This post opens up so many male/female issues. Hell, so many issues in general! It's not OK for anyone to kick another person regardless to their gender, but for a twelve year old boy to kick a twelve year old girl over index cards is scary. How will he be when he gets older and some girl doesn't want to do something else for him or a friend? If this behaviour isn't modified early, then I fear for any girls who deal with him!! Maybe I'm taking this out of context from what you've written, but warning signals went off in my head when I read this! And from the sounds of it, they did for you too. Don't ignore them. If it doesn't feel right to you, then it's not right.
Boy, I want to go and sit on "T" until he cries.
I was lucky - growing up I had two big brothers who watched out for me. There were several occasions when they "persuaded" some dumb boy to steer clear of me.
No, I don't think you are being overly protective, and I also don't think it's wrong to teach your kids to defend themselves. Sometimes it's the only language bullies understand. Not revenge, mind you, but just good old-fashioned self-defense during the bullying.
you can't beat up the kid because it's against the law. Go beat up on his mother instead. She has obviously missed teaching her son how to be respectful of others.
Seriously, I really don't know what you can do. Auntie E was always getting calls because F was a bully. Uncle B was forever chewing on him about it until he was about 11 then he outgrew it. This once terrible bully is a gentle caring man whom his Aunt absolutely adores. Maybe this kid will outgrow it too. On the other hand, he may turn out like cousin M.
Arm - This boy is known to the Dean. He definitely has problems. When I spoke to the teacher, I suggested that this boy needs some counseling. I hope he gets it.
Pam - Thanks for your support. Unfortunately for Twelve, she doesn't have an older brother to stick up for her...and it is way too late for me to provide one for her now.
Only Oldest - The boy needs to learn self-control!
That's tough. I know that I always feel a rush of protectiveness whenever my kids have a bad experience. It is certainly natural to want to jump in and do it all for them. But it sounds like Twelve is pretty grounded and has a handle on it. "T" has had problems in the past and hopefully his family will get him some help in dealing with whatever issues he has.
re: the microwave. The guy couldn't tell me if the bracket would be the same since they're made by 2 different companies...but if they are it should be simple. If they aren't then the fun begins...especially if the original wasn't installed correctly...dh will have a fit.
Natalie - Twelve is pretty grounded unless she's acting like a preteen. I also hope that "T" gets some help...that is what I recommended to the school.
Renee - Good luck with the microwave. Let me know what happens.
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