Silence is Golden...or Silent Day, Silent Night

O.K., so I took everyone's advice and I signed up for the retreat. I know that it is something that I really need to do. I know that I have the potential to learn so much that weekend. As Patti said, it will give me a chance to 'recharge my batteries.'

So, I called the retreat office and a very nice lady answered. (at least that is what I thought when she answered the phone) I told her that I wanted to sign up for the retreat. We had quite a lovely conversation, and since she spoke with such a soothing tone, I started to feel my whole body relax. Until, as an aside, she said "You realize that this is a silent retreat?"

Whoa! Stop the presses! A silent what? What exactly does silent mean? Does that actually mean that I/me/moi/yours truly will not be allowed to speak? They can't mean me! I am the women who hides my shyness/nervousness with funny/witty remarks. How am I supposed to cope with those feelings, if I can't joke about them? Does this woman mean silence during meals?...or silence all of the time? What will happen to me if I accidentally speak... will I get fined for each word that I utter? Does talking in my sleep count?

For those of you that don't know me, that would be all of you except my sister and cousin, I will tell you that I love to talk. I talk all of the time, whether it's to myself, or to stranger's on the street. Speaking is in my blood. Don't get me wrong, I am also a very good listener, but I do believe that talking, sharing, communicating is extrordinaryly importance. I have felt this way all of my life. As a result, I chose a profession where communication, specifically communication disorders, are my focus. I get paid to talk. Not to give speeches, but to talk with students and help them become better communicators. Yet, this woman, with the very soothing pleasant voice, is telling me that it's a silent retreat that I have just signed up for.

OMG. What have I gotten myself into?

To Retreat or Not To Retreat?...That is the Question.

I have the opportunity to go on a spiritual retreat in a few weeks. I am undecided.

On one hand I certainly could use the time to relax, retreat, and rejuvenate. On the other hand, I would be away from my family from Friday night to Sunday afternoon.

I would love to go...but I feel like I am so unworthy of the spiritual teachings which will be imparted.

I would love to learn some more stuff...but I'm afraid that I will look like a fool.

I'd love some time to focus on just me...but it's been so long, I'm not sure I would know how.

If I went, I would miss my kids...I don't know if the price I would have to pay for being gone would be worth it.

SIGH...if I am indecisive long enough, the deadline will pass and it will be too late to sign-up.

Wikipedia Meme

Oh boy. Another tag by my sister, Joan. This was a tough one because I had to actually do some research. (I think that she is getting back at me for referring to her as my 'dear old sister'). So here's the story, I am supposed to go over to Wikipedia, type in the month and day of my birth, and then post three events that happened on that date in history, two people who share my birthday and one person who died on that day.

*****Please note that my sister had a Wikipedia logo picture here, but I can't seem to figure out how to upload it ;~( *****

My birthday is November 25 (and no, I am not saying which year)

On this day in history:
1758 - Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania was founded.
1947 - The Red Scare: The "Hollywood Ten" were blacklisted by Hollywood movie studios.
1963 - President John F. Kennedy was buried.

People who share my birthday:
1712 - Charles-Michel de l'Epee- A French philsopher who developed Signed French. (I went into my chosen field because I wanted to work with Deaf and Hard of Hearing children, and I've studied, not Signed French, but American Sign Language.
1960 - John F. Kennedy, Jr. - American Publisher and son of President John F. Kennedy (Isn't it sad that his father was buried 3 years later on his birthday)

Someone who died on this day:
1968 - Upton Sinclair, American journalist, politician, and writer. (I read his book 'The Jungle' in school)

O.K. so this wasn't as hard to do as I thought it would be...who to tag??? How about Patches, Patti, and Arm. Let's see what happened on your birthdays.

It's A Matter of Time

DH and Ten were supposed to leave at 10am to go on an overnight adventure, at a wild animal park, with a group called "Trail Blazers" (through the YMCA). Although there are six boys in the tribe, only four were signed up to go to this event. As of yesterday, two of the four boys, and their dads, dropped out.

All week my DH has been telling everyone who would listen, that he and Ten were going to leave "No later than 10am!" The reason he picked 10am is that it is about a 2 hour drive to where they are going, and traffic becomes a nightmare the later you leave. (If it was up to me, I would have left by 8am, but that's just me.)

Here it is, 11am and they just left. Why, you may ask did they just leave, when DH was adamant all week that they were going to leave by 10am? Well, I'll tell you. DH, received a phone call about 9:45 this morning from the one other dad in their tribe, who will be going to the overnight event. The other dad, we'll call him "M" asked if they wanted to drive down together. DH said that he wanted to leave by 10am, and M said they would be by shortly.

So DH and Ten put everything by the front door, and proceeded to wait, and wait, and wait. Phone calls were made to M who kept saying, "we're leaving in a few more minutes". Finally at 10:55am I told hubby that I didn't think that they should wait anymore. I reminded DH that Ten has a baseball game tomorrow at 5pm. The only time that they will have to enjoy the park is today, since they will have to leave early tomorrow in order to avoid the weekend traffic and get back here before Ten's game.

Now it is 11:10 and M who was supposed to be here 1 hour ago, just showed up. I explained that DH and Ten just couldn't wait any more and that they left about 15 minutes ago. If M would have just told DH 1 hour ago that he wouldn't be able to "get it together" to leave until 11am, then DH could have made a decision based on accurate/honest information.

I have no patience for people who are so self-centered that they think the universe revolves around them. These are the very same people who are always late and don't care... they have absolutely no respect for other people. For M to keep DH and Ten waiting because he just couldn't get it together is unfair. For him to show complete disregard for DH's and Tens time schedule, by lying about leaving in a few minutes, when clearly he was nowhere near ready to go pisses me off. I can't stand people like that! I hope he gets eaten by an animal!

Oh No, Not Another Girl Scout Meeting

This afternoon, the girl scouts in the troop will be picked up from school. My co-leader and Eventempered's mom are set to pick the girls up at the flagpole. Twelve had informed me a few days ago that she would not get into a car with any of the other girls. Oh, no not again..I thought.

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to take a walk with Twelve. She told me that she wouldn't get into a car this afternoon with any of the girls from the troop, because they all hate her. I asked her why she thinks the girls all hate her. She said "They all hate me because they blame me for "Flinger" not being in the troop anymore." You know what... Twelve is right. The other girls in the troop do hate her because they blame her. What makes it even worse is that I was the leader to kick Flinger out of the troop, not my co-leader. So Twelve gets the double whammy...and all of the hate.

Which leads me to the way that I am feeling right now. I am extremely pissed off at my co-leader for wimping out and not taking care of the Flinger situation. She put the total burden on me because "She was too much of a wuss to stand up and do the right thing. She was too much of a wimp and unwilling to stand up for my daughter, unwilling to be a leader." (when the going got tough, she ran the other way). It also bothers me is that if the situation was reversed, and it had been her daughter and Flinger who had had the altercation, I would have stood up for her daughter.

So, as I was leaving work today, I had an epiphany. I owe absolutely NOTHING to anyone in the troop, and that includes my co-leader. I will re-register Twelve and I into the troop for next year because we have a lot of money in Twelves "scout account" which we can only access as part of the troop. (This is money that the troop "credits" each girl for each box of cookies that they've sold. Twelve has over $250 credit) If we drop out of the troop, then the money reverts back into the general troop money. If we re-register for the troop, and Twelve and I want to attend any Girl Scout events next year (just the two of us)...there is no way that I will ask anyone else, we will be able to get the money from the troop account, and not from my pocket.

I want nothing to do with anyone from the troop (except for Eventempered and her mom). As soon as the Silver Award Event is completed and we have a ceremony to give each of the girls that earn it, their Silver Award, I am truly done! Other than getting checks from my co-leader to cover expenses next year...Twelve and I are done, not with Girl Scouts but, done, done, done with everyone in the troop. I can't even begin to tell you how liberating that is :~D

Happy Birthday Mom!

Today is my mother's birthday. Happy birthday mom! Joan took her out to lunch yesterday, and I plan to take her out to dinner tonight, and we'll all go out to dinner together when we can coordinate schedules.

When I was younger, (a long long time ago), I remember wearing "corsages" to school on my birthday. They were made of ribbon and pipecleaners and the pipecleaners wrapped around some sort of candy...chocolate, tootsie rolls, gum. Wearing the corsage always made me feel special.

Don't know what I can do today to make my mom feel special. It's hard knowing that no matter what I do, my mom won't remember it 2 minutes later (oh heck, who am I fooling...she won't remember it seconds later). True, she would enjoy the moment, and that is really important, but it breaks my heart that she won't remember what we did, and that her feeling "extra special" on her birthday will be a only fleeting sensation. From one moment to the next, thoughts, feelings, ideas disappear quickly for her. Far too quickly. I wish it wasn't so.

When my father was still alive, he too had dementia. My mother would always say "But he enjoys himself while we are...out to lunch, going for a drive, in the store (you fill in the blank). Now it's my mother's turn to not remember. Living in the moment can be a good thing...after all isn't that what the 'yogis' say we should do? However, I don't think that forgetting the moment before, is what it's all about. It certainly is painful for those of us that love my mom, to see her not remembering. She doesn't remember that today is her birthday, unless I constinually say to her..."Guess what mom, it's May 3rd" or "Happy birthday mom". Then her face lights up, and she for a moment, yes, just for a moment remembers.

So Happy Birthday Mom, may you enjoy each and every moment as it comes. I love you.

Tag...We're It!

I've been tagged by Joan to list 10 interesting habits or facts about me. This is difficult for me to do, because I really don't think that I am all that interesting.
1. I love to read. I always carry a book with me and will use any opportunity to read. (This wasn't always so)
2. I love to break out in song (often off key) whenever I hear words that remind me of a song. (much to the chagrin of Ten and Twelve)
3. I clean the house before anyone comes over.
4. I am very loyal.
5. I'm basically a lazy person (at least when it comes to exercise).
6. Chocolate gives me migraines (boo hiss).
7. I've been a vegetarian 31 years. (that's a lot of years)
8. People tell me that I look younger than my age (and sometime I act younger too)
9. I love to talk to people...I'll talk to anyone and everyone...(on line at the grocery store, a bus boy at a restaurant, a crossing guard...you get the picture).

I'm going to stop at nine...if my sister, or anyone else for that matter, wants to come up with a number ten for me, that would be fine. I'm not going to tag anyone, but if someone wants to participate...please let me know. (would #10 be that I only follow the directions that I want to follow?)

Twelve would like to participate (thanks Renee for showing that, that would be o.k.)
Twelve writes:
1. I am a very picky eater.
2. I smell my food before I eat it (so does my mom, but she forgot to mention that)
3. I chew a lot of gum.
4. I love to listen to good music.
5. I like acting and want to be an actress.
6. I have trouble typing the word "frineds" (I know how to spell it, but my fingers don't work that way)
7. I bowled a six-pack (6 strikes in a row) on the Wii.
8. I'm a chocolaholic.
9. I like to hog the computer.
10. I am good at memorizing things.