I'm not having a very good day today. I'm overwhelmed, stressed out, and feel like I could cry at any moment.
Aside from the stress of DH not having a job, I am overwhelmed at my job. Since I have 4 different schools that I serve, there is no coordination of assessments and meetings between my school sites. Therefore, what I am currently faced with is 3 meetings tomorrow, 4 on Monday, 1 on Tuesday, 1 on Wednesday. I have had to assess 7 of these students and am required go through the assessments, figure out what each of the students needs, and write a 4 page report for them. Then I have to attend all of these 9 meetings and somehow figure out how to continue to provide therapy for my kids.
There is definitely not enough time in my workday to get everything done (at least not if I want to do it right), so I end up having to write my reports at home. I really resent this. Since I work in a critical shortage field, the higher ups dole out caseloads that far exceed what can humanly be worked with (at least not if you want to provide quality therapy...which I do). The paperwork at times is overwhelming...and unfortunately, this is one of those times.
I have just finished writing up the last report that I need for tomorrow...did I mention that I have 3 meetings tomorrow...and that I only work part-time.?..sigh.
I need a vacation! Fortunately, I will have one week off of work starting Friday 3/14 at 12:40pm...I can hardly wait.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Friday, February 29, 2008
The Last Day
Today will be my DH's last day at his present job. (breathe in...breathe out).
He had a job interview yesterday, and was offered a job at less than half his current pay. The work would be mind-numbing. The amenities (access to a phone or computer) are non-existent. Did I mention that the pay is less than half of what he is currently earning? The thought of working at that job thoroughly depressed DH. The thought that, that would be the only kind of job that he would be offered has sent him into a tail-spin.
I know...at least he has a job offer. But at what price? Would it be better for him to take the job (any job) and continue looking for work (at least he would be bringing some money in)? What if each day at the new job would slowly eat away at him? Depress him? Reduce him to being less than he can be?
Would it be better if he doesn't take the job and continues to actively look? What if at the end of his severance pay period, he still doesn't have a job? Would he then kick himself for not taking the one job that he was offered?
It will be interesting to see what happens when he meets with the HR people for his exit interview. He has been offered 6 weeks of severance pay with a possible additional 6 weeks. There is some form that they said he would have to sign, in order to get the additional 6 weeks. DH has already spoken to our family friend/attorney and will fax the form to her as soon as he gets it. I am hoping that his receipt of the extra 6 weeks of severance pay is not contingent upon him not working. I guess we'll know later this afternoon.
In the meantime, DH told these people that he would let them know next Wednesday about the job. DH and I clearly have a lot to talk about. Did I already say... breathe in...breathe out?
He had a job interview yesterday, and was offered a job at less than half his current pay. The work would be mind-numbing. The amenities (access to a phone or computer) are non-existent. Did I mention that the pay is less than half of what he is currently earning? The thought of working at that job thoroughly depressed DH. The thought that, that would be the only kind of job that he would be offered has sent him into a tail-spin.
I know...at least he has a job offer. But at what price? Would it be better for him to take the job (any job) and continue looking for work (at least he would be bringing some money in)? What if each day at the new job would slowly eat away at him? Depress him? Reduce him to being less than he can be?
Would it be better if he doesn't take the job and continues to actively look? What if at the end of his severance pay period, he still doesn't have a job? Would he then kick himself for not taking the one job that he was offered?
It will be interesting to see what happens when he meets with the HR people for his exit interview. He has been offered 6 weeks of severance pay with a possible additional 6 weeks. There is some form that they said he would have to sign, in order to get the additional 6 weeks. DH has already spoken to our family friend/attorney and will fax the form to her as soon as he gets it. I am hoping that his receipt of the extra 6 weeks of severance pay is not contingent upon him not working. I guess we'll know later this afternoon.
In the meantime, DH told these people that he would let them know next Wednesday about the job. DH and I clearly have a lot to talk about. Did I already say... breathe in...breathe out?
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Amending a Comment
A few weeks ago, Ms Chica wrote a post which she titled "On Leaving and Being Left Behind". With my DH's impending departure from his place of employment, I got to thinking more about the post.
In my comment to Ms. Chica, I stated that "You are so right that it is much easier being the one leaving than being the one left behind. Part of that is that the person that is leaving gets to experience something different (even if it is not new), while the one that stays is left with a void to fill."
I would now like to amend that comment. I think that the circumstances of leaving are really key as to whether it's easier to leave, or to be left behind. My DH will be leaving his work at the end of next week. On February 29th he will be expected to relinquish his employee I.D., turn in the key to his office...an office that he has worked in for twelve years, take all of his personal belongings, log off of his computer, turn off the light for the last time and leave.
Once he has taken care of business, he will then need to say goodbye to his coworkers, some of whom he has worked with for the past twelve years. I think that it will be a difficult good-bye. It is one thing to say goodbye to people, when you have the clear expectation that you will be seeing them again, and it is an entirely different matter when you have to say goodbye to people with the reasonable expectation that you will most likely never see them again.
Having worked in education in an itinerant position for many years, I have learned to cope with saying goodbye to students and staff at schools at the end of the school year. Some schools have been harder to leave than others (schools that I have been assigned to for longer periods of time). Some schools have not been so hard to leave. I think that the difference between the two was how 'involved' and 'attached' I allowed myself to become with the staff at the school. When the staff welcomed me, as one of their own, and included me as part of the staff (even though I was only there 1-2 days/week), I found saying goodbye far more difficult, than when I kept my distance throughout my time there.
Over the course of my career, I have learned to emotionally keep my distance from most staff at my schools...because I know that I could easily be reassigned at the end of the year. I still walk into the office in the morning with a smile on my face and greet everyone. I still smile and talk to the teachers in the course of performing my job. I still bring gifts to the office manager, plant manager, and other personnel over the holidays, as my little way of letting them know that I appreciate that they make my job a little easier. But I have learned over the years to maintain some distance and separation, because it makes the leaving not as painful. I realize that this means that I lose out on the bonds of friendship that I could have formed...however, after years and years of having to say goodbye to people...I have learned to protect myself from being the one leaving. I have learned that once I have left a school, despite the best of intentions, I don't keep in touch with anyone. The common bond that we have shared together (our experiences at a particular school) no longer exists. Our reasons for speaking together, or for sharing pleasantries is gone.
For this reason, I anticipate that next Friday when DH says goodbye to his co-workers for the last time...it will be tough. He will be saying goodbye to people that he has spent 8 hours a day, five day a week with, for twelve years. Despite the best of intentions, I seriously doubt that he will keep in touch with these people. I'm pretty sure that when DH gets another job, he will let them all know. I'm pretty sure that he will tell them to keep in touch, as they will tell him to do the same. But it won't be the same...and the bonds that kept them together, that kept them involved in each others lives will be gone.
In this case, as DH walks away from his office, and shuts the door, he'll be leaving (hopefully to a better experience)...but he'll be leaving alone, and he won't be returning. I think in his case, being the one leaving might just be harder than being in the group that is left behind.
In my comment to Ms. Chica, I stated that "You are so right that it is much easier being the one leaving than being the one left behind. Part of that is that the person that is leaving gets to experience something different (even if it is not new), while the one that stays is left with a void to fill."
I would now like to amend that comment. I think that the circumstances of leaving are really key as to whether it's easier to leave, or to be left behind. My DH will be leaving his work at the end of next week. On February 29th he will be expected to relinquish his employee I.D., turn in the key to his office...an office that he has worked in for twelve years, take all of his personal belongings, log off of his computer, turn off the light for the last time and leave.
Once he has taken care of business, he will then need to say goodbye to his coworkers, some of whom he has worked with for the past twelve years. I think that it will be a difficult good-bye. It is one thing to say goodbye to people, when you have the clear expectation that you will be seeing them again, and it is an entirely different matter when you have to say goodbye to people with the reasonable expectation that you will most likely never see them again.
Having worked in education in an itinerant position for many years, I have learned to cope with saying goodbye to students and staff at schools at the end of the school year. Some schools have been harder to leave than others (schools that I have been assigned to for longer periods of time). Some schools have not been so hard to leave. I think that the difference between the two was how 'involved' and 'attached' I allowed myself to become with the staff at the school. When the staff welcomed me, as one of their own, and included me as part of the staff (even though I was only there 1-2 days/week), I found saying goodbye far more difficult, than when I kept my distance throughout my time there.
Over the course of my career, I have learned to emotionally keep my distance from most staff at my schools...because I know that I could easily be reassigned at the end of the year. I still walk into the office in the morning with a smile on my face and greet everyone. I still smile and talk to the teachers in the course of performing my job. I still bring gifts to the office manager, plant manager, and other personnel over the holidays, as my little way of letting them know that I appreciate that they make my job a little easier. But I have learned over the years to maintain some distance and separation, because it makes the leaving not as painful. I realize that this means that I lose out on the bonds of friendship that I could have formed...however, after years and years of having to say goodbye to people...I have learned to protect myself from being the one leaving. I have learned that once I have left a school, despite the best of intentions, I don't keep in touch with anyone. The common bond that we have shared together (our experiences at a particular school) no longer exists. Our reasons for speaking together, or for sharing pleasantries is gone.
For this reason, I anticipate that next Friday when DH says goodbye to his co-workers for the last time...it will be tough. He will be saying goodbye to people that he has spent 8 hours a day, five day a week with, for twelve years. Despite the best of intentions, I seriously doubt that he will keep in touch with these people. I'm pretty sure that when DH gets another job, he will let them all know. I'm pretty sure that he will tell them to keep in touch, as they will tell him to do the same. But it won't be the same...and the bonds that kept them together, that kept them involved in each others lives will be gone.
In this case, as DH walks away from his office, and shuts the door, he'll be leaving (hopefully to a better experience)...but he'll be leaving alone, and he won't be returning. I think in his case, being the one leaving might just be harder than being in the group that is left behind.
Friday, February 15, 2008
"You've Got To Have Friends"
Sometimes I worry about Elle. She seems to prefer my company to the company of friends. She would much rather hang out with me on the weekend (read that in the past that meant shopping together) then call a friend to get together.
While I am happy that she seems to enjoy my company, I worry...shouldn't a 13 year old girl should be hanging out with her friends outside of school...and not her mom?
I think that part of the problem is that Elle likes to be in control (I wonder who she gets that from?lol). She has a hard time being tolerant of people who are acting in a less mature way then she thinks they should act. She describes the girls who are the "poppy's" (as in popular) as girls who only think about themselves, how they look, and their place in their group. She tells me that they are all stuck up, thinking that they are better than everyone else.
Over the years, she has had special friends that she's wanted to spend time with...but then they grew apart (for whatever reason). She's been without a special friend at school since one of her friends moved on to the high school this year. Elle says that she hangs out with a group of kids (guys and girls) at school, and she has walked out to my car on many occasions...talking to different boys (egads!). I realize that if she was hanging out with her friends all of the time, I might have a whole different set of concerns/worries.
I love hanging out with Elle...I love that she enjoys volunteering with me on Sundays...I love listening to her perspective as we come across different situations during our time together. I am grateful for the time that we spend together. I just worry whether or not this is the best thing for her.
While I am happy that she seems to enjoy my company, I worry...shouldn't a 13 year old girl should be hanging out with her friends outside of school...and not her mom?
I think that part of the problem is that Elle likes to be in control (I wonder who she gets that from?lol). She has a hard time being tolerant of people who are acting in a less mature way then she thinks they should act. She describes the girls who are the "poppy's" (as in popular) as girls who only think about themselves, how they look, and their place in their group. She tells me that they are all stuck up, thinking that they are better than everyone else.
Over the years, she has had special friends that she's wanted to spend time with...but then they grew apart (for whatever reason). She's been without a special friend at school since one of her friends moved on to the high school this year. Elle says that she hangs out with a group of kids (guys and girls) at school, and she has walked out to my car on many occasions...talking to different boys (egads!). I realize that if she was hanging out with her friends all of the time, I might have a whole different set of concerns/worries.
I love hanging out with Elle...I love that she enjoys volunteering with me on Sundays...I love listening to her perspective as we come across different situations during our time together. I am grateful for the time that we spend together. I just worry whether or not this is the best thing for her.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
In Honor Of Valentines Day
A PUPPY has been born in Japan with a large, clear, love-heart-shaped pattern in his coat. The Chihuahua was born in May as one of a litter to a breeder. Shop owner Emiko Sakurada said it was the first time a puppy with the marks had been born out of a thousand she had bred. She had no plans to sell the puppy, which has been named 'Heart-kun'. The long-coated male Chihuahua puppy was born in Odate, northern Japan
Happy Valentines Day:~)
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Six Days A Week.
After six days straight of cooking dinner I can definitely say that I am not enjoying myself. I don't mind cooking...but everynight??????? If I'm not careful, pretty soon I may be sporting a dress, pearls, high heels and an apron just to cook dinner...Donna Reed, June Cleaver, and Betty Crocker better watch out.
Now I realize that most normal people probably cook every night, and will go out to eat, or bring something in once in a while, or maybe even once a week. Up until this point in my marriage, I haven't had to do that. I've been very fortunate that my DH hasn't minded eating out or bringing food in a few days a week. My excuse (not that I need one) is that I work everyday, then bring the kids to their various activities and by the time we're finished...I am too tired to cook. I want some time to kick back and relax...and what better way to do that then to have someone else cook for me.
My DH is a fabulous cook...he loves to cook...he is a creative cook. However he doesn't get home from work until 7:30pm...and although we eat that late, it is just too late for him to start cooking dinner. His current job will end at the end of this month. Unless he finds another job before then, (and I certainly hope he does), I will gladly pass the cooking torch over to him.
I just had an idea...this may solve my dilemma over what to give DH for Valentines Day...maybe I should buy him an apron...just in case:~)
Now I realize that most normal people probably cook every night, and will go out to eat, or bring something in once in a while, or maybe even once a week. Up until this point in my marriage, I haven't had to do that. I've been very fortunate that my DH hasn't minded eating out or bringing food in a few days a week. My excuse (not that I need one) is that I work everyday, then bring the kids to their various activities and by the time we're finished...I am too tired to cook. I want some time to kick back and relax...and what better way to do that then to have someone else cook for me.
My DH is a fabulous cook...he loves to cook...he is a creative cook. However he doesn't get home from work until 7:30pm...and although we eat that late, it is just too late for him to start cooking dinner. His current job will end at the end of this month. Unless he finds another job before then, (and I certainly hope he does), I will gladly pass the cooking torch over to him.
I just had an idea...this may solve my dilemma over what to give DH for Valentines Day...maybe I should buy him an apron...just in case:~)
Thursday, February 7, 2008
To Whom It May Concern
Dear Mrs. XXXXX,
For just over two years, I was an only child, and then you decided to have your son, Sport. For over eleven years now, Sport has been a big part of my life, usually not in a good way.
Sport is addicted to online games such as "Trick.ster" and "Rune.scape". If there's an available computer, Sport is on it. On the rare occasions that I get online, he complains that he should be online, and not me. Or he will be in the same room as me, successfully figuring out ways to annoy me to no end, which, as you can imagine, makes being online, not only a rare, but also an unpleasant time for me.
Sport uses the phone more than anyone else in the house. The downstairs suffers from noise pollution, not only from Sport, but also from whichever friend he decides to call because he has become too lazy to hold a phone up to his ear, and talk quietly into it.
Sport is losing focus on the important things in life such as family, and fresh air. These games are a bad influence in his life. He talks about the games he plays like they're real, and loses his temper a lot more than before he started playing these games. I love Sport, but right now, it's just too hard to be around him.
In conclusion, I think Sport needs more time outside, and less time in front of a computer screen with a phone in front of him. I believe that you can help change his attitude about the computer, and make his virtual life his secone priority. I want my real brother back.
Sincerely,
Elle
Elle had an assignment in which she needed to write a business letter either: registering a complaint, paying a compliment , or making a suggestion as to how a company could improve their product. Elle decided to write her business letter to me. Please note that all the names were changed to protect the not so innocent...sigh.
For just over two years, I was an only child, and then you decided to have your son, Sport. For over eleven years now, Sport has been a big part of my life, usually not in a good way.
Sport is addicted to online games such as "Trick.ster" and "Rune.scape". If there's an available computer, Sport is on it. On the rare occasions that I get online, he complains that he should be online, and not me. Or he will be in the same room as me, successfully figuring out ways to annoy me to no end, which, as you can imagine, makes being online, not only a rare, but also an unpleasant time for me.
Sport uses the phone more than anyone else in the house. The downstairs suffers from noise pollution, not only from Sport, but also from whichever friend he decides to call because he has become too lazy to hold a phone up to his ear, and talk quietly into it.
Sport is losing focus on the important things in life such as family, and fresh air. These games are a bad influence in his life. He talks about the games he plays like they're real, and loses his temper a lot more than before he started playing these games. I love Sport, but right now, it's just too hard to be around him.
In conclusion, I think Sport needs more time outside, and less time in front of a computer screen with a phone in front of him. I believe that you can help change his attitude about the computer, and make his virtual life his secone priority. I want my real brother back.
Sincerely,
Elle
Elle had an assignment in which she needed to write a business letter either: registering a complaint, paying a compliment , or making a suggestion as to how a company could improve their product. Elle decided to write her business letter to me. Please note that all the names were changed to protect the not so innocent...sigh.
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