Sometimes I worry about Elle. She seems to prefer my company to the company of friends. She would much rather hang out with me on the weekend (read that in the past that meant shopping together) then call a friend to get together.
While I am happy that she seems to enjoy my company, I worry...shouldn't a 13 year old girl should be hanging out with her friends outside of school...and not her mom?
I think that part of the problem is that Elle likes to be in control (I wonder who she gets that from?lol). She has a hard time being tolerant of people who are acting in a less mature way then she thinks they should act. She describes the girls who are the "poppy's" (as in popular) as girls who only think about themselves, how they look, and their place in their group. She tells me that they are all stuck up, thinking that they are better than everyone else.
Over the years, she has had special friends that she's wanted to spend time with...but then they grew apart (for whatever reason). She's been without a special friend at school since one of her friends moved on to the high school this year. Elle says that she hangs out with a group of kids (guys and girls) at school, and she has walked out to my car on many occasions...talking to different boys (egads!). I realize that if she was hanging out with her friends all of the time, I might have a whole different set of concerns/worries.
I love hanging out with Elle...I love that she enjoys volunteering with me on Sundays...I love listening to her perspective as we come across different situations during our time together. I am grateful for the time that we spend together. I just worry whether or not this is the best thing for her.
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12 comments:
Elle kinda reminds me of me at that age. I really didn't fit in with the silly girls at school (and yeah, I'm a control freak too).
While it is common in our culture for our kids to be hanging out with their peers, that hasn't always been the way. Our pioneer ancestors spend most of their lives with just their family and all turned out okay.
Perhaps there's a youth volunteer group near you that might appeal to Elle where she can find some friends who are a bit more to her liking...she seems to prefer an older crowd (which can open up an entirely different can of worms). Our Church has a really active youth group of really great kids that I would totally trust my child with.
Lynn, my advice is "Don't worry; be happy." That's great that she likes to spend time with you. That means you are one cool mom.
The way you describe Elle reminds me of Allegra at that age...Oops! I mean Kid One. ;-)
Now that she's 19 she has tons of friends. LOL
She's a lot safer with you than she is with her peers.
I wouldn't worry, she may just be wanting to avoid the drama of friends for a while.
It's difficult to hang out with your peers when your maturity surpasses theirs. At Elle's age, I spent more time around adults than kids my age and I developed a preference for adults or older kids.
I wouldn't worry just yet. When she goes to high school, she may find friends a grade ahead.
I remember being a teenager was a lot like learning an elaborate dance. You fell like you have to act and think in a certain way in order to fit in. In a way, it's practice for adulthood. It can be exhausting! Maybe Elle just needs time away to be free to be herself? Maybe she sees you as the role model she most wants to become like? I'm no expert in teenagers or parenting one but I would guess that as long as she is spending time with other people (whether you or others) and not isolating herself excessively, she is doing fine. :)
I'll chime in with the others, Lynn, and tell you not to worry. Part of why you might be worrying is that Elle is the oldest-- she's your practice kid. Everything is a first with her because you haven't done it or seen it with another child and seen how it turns out. Lizzie went through a similar time at that age and she didn't just want to spend time with me, she needed me. Now she's in college and has more friends than she can count, but she still calls almost daily to talk. I think it's a fine testimony to you as a mom that Elle wants to hang out with you.
I have a son and a daughter and I think the friend thing was way trickier with the girls than boys.
I agree, she's probably better off with you and I wouldn't worry either.
There is this thing about having 'lots' of friends. Of course, the more popular kids have far more acquaintances but are they real friends? Our Kid1 seemed to be like Elle for a long time, but we weren't worried...in college now, she has plenty of real friends. Keep enjoying the time you have together
I have 13 years until I need to be concerned about this. Awesome.
I think she's probably got a good handle on things. As long as you see her with some other people her age, then I think she's golden.
Lynn, it's Thursday and I haven't seen anything from you, or Sis, or Cousin in ages. I'm concerned that there is a problem.
Hope all is well with your family.
take care
Hi again,
I just tagged you if you'd like to do it sometime.
Renee - She is involved with other girls during Sunday School, and Girl Scouts...but so far there really isn't another group that she is interested in.
Patti - Yep...that's me...one cool (and mean) mom:~)
Meno - I think that you are right on both counts! She is definitely safer with me...and she doesn't like drama that isn't solely her making...sigh
Ms Chica - Last year her close buddy was in the grade ahead of her. This year that same friend is over at the high school. Hopefully next year they will 'reconnect' with each other.
Lynanne - I hope that she doesn't emulate me too much...I have way too many faults that I wouldn't wish on her.
Pam - Thanks for the words of encouragement. If it worked for your daughter...I have hope that it will work out o.k. for mine :~)
Sari - I hope so.
Ralph - I do enjoy our time together, and from what I gather this togetherness will not continue forever. I just want to be sure that she is continues to develop strategies to make, be, and keep friends.
Egan - You really only have about 12 years to go:~) Trust me, the time will pass all too quickly...sigh.
Patti - Thanks for your concern...I've just been in a funk.
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