Imagine if you will this scene:
Twelve, Ten and I walked over to our community pool this afternoon. There weren't any other kids there. I called my Girl Scout co-leader, and she brought her daughter...we'll call her 'Nicegirl', over to the pool.
Now to refresh your memory, Ten just finished 4th grade, Twelve just finished 7th grade, and NiceGirl just finished 8th grade. The three of them were having fun until...two boys from their school (who just finished 8th grade), came to the pool.
All of a sudden Twelves and Nicegirls demeanors changed. Their faces and body languages went through a total transformation, and what had moments before been two girls having fun, suddenly became two girls exuding nervous, excited energy, upon the arrival of these boys.
Now as an observer, I found this all sweet and mildly entertaining. I was transported back to the summers when I was Twelve and Thirteen. I remember, the excitement I felt when a cute boy came anywhere near my vicinity, that nervousness I felt when I thought a cute boy might talk to me, and that general feeling of anticipation of the unknown.
As Twelves mother, it was harder to stay amused. Although I knew that Twelve was starting to become more aware of boys... it wasn't in my face, so I was able to not really think about it too much. However, watching Twelve become more animated around these boys was eye-opening and somewhat unsettling to say the least.
Somehow, I managed to observe what was going on and keep my mouth shut...(which is no small feat for me)...I noticed that Twelve looked over towards me a number of times while all of this was going on. I figure that she was looking to me to see how I was going to react. I believe that I managed to appear neutral to the whole situation. I don't know if that was the right thing to do or not, but nothing untoward was going on. (Had it been more, I would have definitely intervened). I knew that what I was watching was all part of normal teenage boy-girl interactions. Still...it was hard.
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16 comments:
Okay so I've got at least 3 more years of ingnorant bliss here?
I remember that age...funny I don't remember being all flirty then though. It wasn't until I was 14 that I really remember being flirty. I think most of that came from acessability to boys who weren't my brothers or my best friend's brothers (all younger than me).
I'm so glad that DD still thinks boys are yucky. She was very offended one day when one of her friends decided that they should go watch the boys. She immediately came to me and told me she was bored. I found out why later.
I think Twelve was watching you to see at what point you were going to say something..."how much can I get away with here?"
This must be why my mom didn't come with us to the pool that often.
I can spell ignorant normally. ;)
I never know what to say about boys
It would be hard to witness that scene as a a girl child's parent. You just got a glimpse of what's in your future. While the thought of many things that lie ahead is enough to make you consider locking her in her room until she's thirty, at least you know her interest level. Better to know than get blind-sided later. Have courage : ~)
Lynn, I would have done the "neutral look" thing as well!
Twelve was looking at you for several reasons I think: wanting approval, clinging to safety of mom and childhood. Since nothing untoward was happening I don't think she was really wondering how much she could get away with.
From your descriptions she doesn't really strike me as that kind of child.
Renee - Those three years will just fly by. Twelve and Nicegirl weren't so much 'flirty' as nervous/excited. 'Flirty' probably would have warrented a talk afterwards.
Marsha - Good to know that I'm not the only one at a loss for words.
Patches - Locking in her room until she's thirty...what an absolutely brillant idea...why didn't I think of that? Oh wait, I guess you're telling me that I can't do that...darn. You're right, I definitely want to know what is going on...oblivious and blindsided are not really options.
Patti - I agree with you, I don't think that she was looking at me to see what she could get away with...I think that she was just 'checking in' that her safety net (that would be me) was still there.
I agree with Patti as to why Twelve kept looking at you, but I also think that it was also to send you silent signals of, "Please don't ruin this for us, Mom."
How does your hubby feel about Twelve's new boy-awareness?
I feel for you - but you're a good mom and it sounds like the communication between you and your kids is really good, so I think the boy-awareness will just be another opportunity for open dialogue with her.
you will be fine with it, Lynn. You are her safety net.
Just let her know she can come to you with boy questions.
(they will be of the frivolous sort at this age, don't worry)
Tough situation. It is obvious by her behaviour that she was definitely trying to get a rise out of you by glancing at you quite a few times. That's just my opinion. My husband would've definitely intervened had it been his child by grabbing her and telling her it's time to go home, I would've done what you had done but probably had a discussion about it when we got home. Oh I'm not sure... it is difficult to say... you did well Lynn.
As a dad, I'd do the neutral thing as well. Kid1 would have liked the neutrl non-judgemantal at that age, but is quite capable of dispatching idiot guys today. You have imparted a sense of values to Twelve, and it is obvious in that she looked to you first. Well done!
Arm - "Please don't ruin this for us, mom"... I remember thinking that too when I was younger...that's probably why I remained neutral...I didn't want to embarass her or 'ruin' it for her. Told DH about it on the phone...his response was 'uh oh'. (He remembers being a teenage boy.) As far as open dialogue...I just hope I don't insert foot into mouth.
Patti - Thanks for your vote of confidence...She talks to me about 'mean girl' stuff, and feels comfortable asking me questions about how to handle those situations, I can only hope that she continues to feel this way. I also know that frivolous to us may be earth shattering to her, I will try to tread lightly. (sigh)
Michele - I don't think that she wanted to get a rise out of me. Because a rise out of me would have led to me telling her that it was time to go home, right away. She might have been looking over to make sure that I was o.k. with them talking. I know that she had a group of friends, both girls and boys, that she hung around school with all year. So my trying to stop them from talking would have been pointless.
Ralph - I am so glad to hear that Kid1 is now able to dispatch idiot guys today (that is my hope for Twelve)...Besides the non-judgemental thing, what other 'things' worked for you? Inquiring minds want to know.
And so it begins....
They were so cute when they were little.
Lynn, I only thomk that children will follow their parents ideals and take those values if in all our actions are consistent. I think of when Kid1 was picking an outfit for 8th grade graduation (2002).She and I went shopping, and I was most impressed that she picked ip a modest but really attractive outfit, no cleavage. This is the way her mom dresses herself. At the ceremony, many of these girls left me wondering where the cocktail party was...didn't the parents say anything about proper attire? Consistent words and actions are the key, IMO.
Meno - My mother always says..."Little children, little problems...Big children, big problems". Now I know what she means. Hellllp!
Ralph - So far Twelve prefers to dress modestly, and comments on how 'slutty' some of the girls are at school. 'Consistent words and actions' will be my new mantra...thanks for the help.
Keep that sense of humor of yours because I have a feeling some fun blog posts will come about as you go through this "season" with your kids!
;-)
Pam - That's one way to put a positive spin on this situation!
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