Innocence...something so precious and once lost, cannot be recaptured. Sometimes I wonder, if I am harming my children by trying to protect them from subject matter that I feel they are to young to be exposed to.
Now I'm not talking 'Harry Potter' PG-13 ratings...I'm talking things like...molestation, homosexuality, sex. My feeling has always been that I would know when the time is right to discuss these issues, and more, with both Twelve and Ten. I've gone over with both children, from the time that they were very little, things about how no one has the right to touch them without their permission, I've used correct names for body parts, and whenever they've asked questions, I've answered them honestly. I think I've pretty much covered all the issues with Twelve (although I suspect that as she continues to mature, things will come up that I've forgotten to talk to her about). But Ten is another matter.
They say that girls mature faster than boys...this I can believe. Not just physically, but emotionally as well. Twelve asked questions (at too early of an age in my opinion) and I provided her with the answers. Evidently the girls at school brought up these subjects, and Twelve, not knowing about them, asked me for clarification. Ten is just starting to ask questions. These questions are coming from conversations that he has with his friends, who seem somehow far more sophisticated and less innocent than Ten. These ten year old kids talk about molestation, rape, homosexuality as if they are discussing baseball statistics. Of course they use these subjects to make themselves sound more worldly and sophisticated...I don't know if they really understand (let's hope not) what they are talking about.
I want Ten to maintain his innocence. After all, he is my baby. Yet, I fear that by not exposing him to topics which I feel are way beyond his need to know, at this time, I am somehow setting him up to be picked on and ridiculed by his friends. It seems that his innocence is working against him and that I am being forced to discuss things with him that he is really not mature enough to understand. As he asks questions, I am answering them so that he becomes knowledgeable enough to 'hold his own' when confronted with these issues. But it makes me sad.
Gone are the days of Barney (the purple dinosaur) and Dragon Tales. Ten continues to maintain a belief in all things magic...I just wish that he didn't need to learn about all of the other stuff. I figured that there was still time...evidently I figured wrong. If you're wondering why the title of this post is A-T-T-I-C...well, today an older boy at camp told Ten to look down in his own shirt and say those letters. Ten refused, and when he came home from camp he asked me what it means. I had no idea and had to ask Twelve for clarification. Evidently, I have been living in a cave for a long time, because Twelve knew what it meant right away. So, before I tell you the answer, let's see if you've been living in a cave with me, or if you know what it means.
About Me
- Lynn
- I'm a mom, the primary care giver for my elderly mother, and I work 24 hours/week. I'm tired. I need to sleep. That about sums it up.
Someday...
...I'll make time to recharge my batteries
Why I am so tired...
I"d Like To Thank The Academy...
9 comments:
I must be in the same cave as you. I have no idea what it means.
I think that A-t-t-i-c is "a tee tee (tittie?) I see" I'm pretty sure people were doing that when I was in school. I'm right, right?
On Ten's innocence...he may already know more than you think he does, but he might not know that he knows. It sounds like he's good at talking to you when he's not sure about something. So when he's confronted by something he's not sure of, he'll most likely come to you. I don't think you should have to expose him to certain topics so he knows what his buddies are talking about. Because I can guarantee you that out of 10 of his friends, maybe only 1 or 2 really knows what he's talking about. The rest of them are just mimicking. Sure their figure it out eventually (whether it be by talking to parents or just through observances), but they are just as innocent.
You don't have to be 10 years old to think like a 10 year old. I'm certain it's "A Tittie I See" alright. If you think way back in the olden days (that would be our childhood), we would say silly things like that once we discovered a new "forbidden" word or concept.
I am proud of Ten for standing his own and refusing to repeat this silly thing. He was obviously uncomfortable and recognized the potential ridicule it might bring upon himself. And have faith in yourself for knowing when to address these delicate subjects with the kids...you know your kids far better than many parents know theirs.
Some things just never change.
They don't cover stuff like this in Lamaze class.
I understand your desire to preserve your children's innocence, and I applaud you. It's great that both kids come to you with their concerns, it allows you to know how much your kids know. Innocence is worth preserving, but this is one instance in which ignorance is not bliss. Remember, you are their most reliable source of information on these delicate topics.
Lynn, it's natural to want your little guy to stay innocent, but he is going to hear all kinds of stuff in the next few years.
You and your DH are his (and Twelve's) best source for honest answers and explanations.
I know how hard all this is. I was at these ages with mine 6 years ago.
Really, we wanted to be so cool at these ages, that we 'knew' more than your peers. I went through college with a more liberal view about, um, worldly things...It is so different when children arrive. Of course they arrive in the world as innocents, we parents want this to continue. Alas, it is not forever, and shouldn't be. As independent as our kids want to be, they rely on us for information and guidence as well...
The Moose Buyer - It amazes me how much I don't know.
Arm - When you're right, you're right! Too bad this wasn't a contest...you would have won.
Joan - You are so smart. I don't whether or not I would have figured it out...since I had Twelve to ask. Of course, I then having used only real words for body parts, had to explain to Ten what 'titties' were. sigh
Meno - How do we survive it?
Ms. Chica - You are so right about ignorance not being bliss. Now I have to think ahead and tell Ten things I anticipate he might need to know. Unfortunately, I lost my crystal ball.
Patti - Since you come with experience...what other 'stuff' do I need to tell Ten about so that he can hold his own?
Ralph - But how are we supposed to know what they need to know, before they need to know it? Where is the handbook that explains it all?
Sometimes I worry that by homeschooling DD she'll miss out on all that knowledge that we get from our peers...and sometimes I am SO GLAD that she is missing out on it. I am really not doing this to keep her sheltered, but sometimes I hear stuff from my friends that makes me glad that she isn't exposed to it.
I too have been very open with DD about everything...but I've been waiting for her to ask and she hasn't. She's just like I was. So I got her a book...she couldn't put it down. I guess she was ready to learn about it, she did talk about some of it. The book just explained puberty to her. So there is still a lot more talking to do. It's hard to know what she's thinking and she doesn't talk. I think she has learned a lot more than I've explained because she does see a lot on TV & such (animal programs mostly.)
I hope I don't mess her up too bad.
Post a Comment