I'm trying to recover from a meeting that I attended in which I was verbally attacked/abused by a parent... and the administrator did absolutely nothing to stop it.
In my many years of work, I have attended meetings where the parents have disagreed with my recommendation and findings. I accept that. I understand that many of these parents have fought the school district for years in order to receive my type of services. and that although their children no longer need my services to access the curriculum, these parents are reluctant to 'let these hard-won services go'.
I believe that it is my job, as the expert in my field, to explain to parents why it's a good thing that their child has made progress and is no longer in need of my services, and to reassure these parents that I will continue to be available as a resourse to their children, their children's teachers, and to the parents themselves, even once their children are dismissed.
In the hundreds, if not thousands, of meetings that I have attended, over the years, there have been a handful of times that the parents have demanded a 'second assessment be done by another trained professional'. I have never been bothered by these demands, as I have always felt confident that additional testing, by someone else, would continue to yield the same results. In most of these cases however, the administrators, have always controlled the meeting and kept all parties maintaining a certain level of decorum...until the meeting this past Thursday (which by the way was not at one of my schools).
On Thurdsay the participants arrived at the meeting with a high level of stress, knowing from a pre-meeting the previous week, just how unreasonable this parent could be. The tension in the air was palpable. The parent had been given a copy of my report, which included the good news that the student no longer needed my services or support in order to access the curriculum. Standardized testing, classroom teacher reporting, as well as student performance were all included in my report.
The moment I started to speak, the parent questioned the validity of the tests...stating that "asking a few questions doesn't count" and that "a Social Worker with a masters degree can administer the test" (and her point would be???????) It went downhill fast from there. At that point, the administrator should have spoken to that parent and suggested that this parent allow me to finish my report, and that there would be time to discuss it when I was done. Instead the administrator did nothing and the parent continued to escalate into quite a tirade. What spewed forth from this parents mouth was nothing short of verbal abuse. This parent accused me of : being a pawn of the school district, being a liar, being incompetent, and being unethical.
At no time did the administrator attempt to stop the parent, or the meeting. I sat there frozen. My heart was pumping wildly, but I was so taken aback by what was happening that I couldn't even get up and leave. I have no idea what I actually said during the meeting, because everytime I tried to speak, the parent continued her verbal attack.
Finally, the adminstrator said that we should take a vote as to whether or not this student should continue to receive services from my department. EXCUSE ME !!!!! What the hell was she talking about...."Take a vote"????? HAD SHE LOST HER MIND ??????? You don't vote on services...either a student meets eligibility criteria...or they don't. If the parent disagrees, they can write that down in the meeting notes, and an independent review will be conducted. In my professional opinion, based on all information at my disposal, this student did not qualify. For an administrator to then ignore what I have said and decide to put it to a vote was beyond unprofessional.
Believe me when I say that I was ready to "blow a gasket"! The administrator said that she wanted to take a short recess to conference with me. We stepped out of the room and the administrator had the audacity to ask me to ignore: testing, teacher input, clinical observations and just allow the student to continue to receive services to appease the parent. EXCUSE ME!!!!! As keepers of the public's money, we are entrusted to spend that money wisely. To ask me to sign off on spending the public's money unwisely, just to appease a parent (which would mean that the money wouldn't be available for a student who DOES need the services) is unconscionable.
So I took a deep breath and told the administrator that she was acting very unprofessionally by allowing the parent to take control of the meeting, by allowing the parent to accuse me of being incompetent, a liar, and unethical, and by asking me to be unethical by recommending services just to appease a parent. The administrator's reply was "Um, you know how the parent is."
I have never in my life come across such an incompetent administrator. Maybe I've just been incredibly lucky. If I was new to the profession, I would have quit that very day. For now, my heart races when I think of attending another meeting (of which I have 31 scheduled between now and the end of April). This experience has really shaken me to my very core. I am trying to breathe in and out and remain calm...but at the moment it is a losing battle.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Thursday, October 16, 2008
No Expiration Date
The other day, I read my sister's post and I now know who is to blame for the fact that I have so much clutter...it's clearly my parents fault! In her post, Joan spoke about how our parents never got rid of anything until all the life was sucked out of it (Joan used the work 'frugal'). It didn't matter if it was a jacket, a television, a lamp, a car. As long as the item could still be used, it was.
This has translated into my life in the following way... I see something that I don't need at that moment, but I want to have it "just in case the one that I already have, dies", or "just in case the store runs out and doesn't have it when I need it". Then what happens is that the original item either never dies, so I continue to have a spare (or two, or three) hanging around...or I decide to use the new item, but the original item is still useful, so I can't possibly throw it out. (Which would probably explain the W*nnie the P*oh, Batm*n, and Power R*nger comforters, among other things, that I haven't been able to part with)...sigh.
At times I have circumvented this dilemma in the following way...I take the still useful item and donate it either to a friend, neighbor, or a charity. I can justify getting rid of a 'perfectly good _______ (fill in the blank)...if I know that someone else will continue to use it and get some enjoyment from it. But that only works when I am ready to replace the old item with the new. Sometimes I just not ready to 'let go' of an item...usually for sentimental reasons, yet it needs to be replaced. Then I end up holding on to both (see the above comforters) items.
It's only when I get fed up with the clutter, or I am thinking about having to pack up the car in case I need to evacuate (which thank goodness I didn't have to do), that this extra 'stuff' starts to bother me. Fortunately/unfortunately that's where I am now...if I can only find the time to follow through, I might actually be able to go against the lessons in frugality that I learned from my parents, and get rid of some stuff... if only...sigh. Breathe in ... breathe out.
This has translated into my life in the following way... I see something that I don't need at that moment, but I want to have it "just in case the one that I already have, dies", or "just in case the store runs out and doesn't have it when I need it". Then what happens is that the original item either never dies, so I continue to have a spare (or two, or three) hanging around...or I decide to use the new item, but the original item is still useful, so I can't possibly throw it out. (Which would probably explain the W*nnie the P*oh, Batm*n, and Power R*nger comforters, among other things, that I haven't been able to part with)...sigh.
At times I have circumvented this dilemma in the following way...I take the still useful item and donate it either to a friend, neighbor, or a charity. I can justify getting rid of a 'perfectly good _______ (fill in the blank)...if I know that someone else will continue to use it and get some enjoyment from it. But that only works when I am ready to replace the old item with the new. Sometimes I just not ready to 'let go' of an item...usually for sentimental reasons, yet it needs to be replaced. Then I end up holding on to both (see the above comforters) items.
It's only when I get fed up with the clutter, or I am thinking about having to pack up the car in case I need to evacuate (which thank goodness I didn't have to do), that this extra 'stuff' starts to bother me. Fortunately/unfortunately that's where I am now...if I can only find the time to follow through, I might actually be able to go against the lessons in frugality that I learned from my parents, and get rid of some stuff... if only...sigh. Breathe in ... breathe out.
Monday, October 13, 2008
To Pack or Not to Pack
Received an email from my local community...it was actually a 'community update' regarding the fires here in Southern California. It recommended that all residents in my area load-up their cars and be ready to evacuate at a moments notice. Currently, there are no fires within my immediate vicinity, however three years ago there were fires located near where the current fires are, and overnight the fire travelled over the mountains and reached my community.
Three years ago, we were awaken at 1:30am by a neighbor pounding on our front door telling us that the development up the hill from us was being evacuated, and that we should start packing up our cars....which we did. At 2:30am the county sheriff was pounding on our front door, recommending that we evacuate our home which we didn't. It wasn't a mandatory evacuation...just a strong suggestion.
Last time, I remember looking at the stuff that I chose to pack, and at the stuff that I chose to leave behind...It made me realize that I have lots of stuff. a lot of unnecessary stuff. Evidently I haven't done a darn thing about it...because here it is three years later and I still have way too much stuff.
This time, I am somewhat at a standstill re: what to pack. I've gotten together some of the family photos (including computer disks)...but not all of them. I've made a list of things to remember to put in the car...just in case. On my list I've written down that I should grab the important papers(including my moms), two laptops (the family one, and mine from work), the desk top tower, picture boxes ( and I've put some loose pictures in a plastic container), Amber (the dogs) leash, the kitty's...their two carriers...and their litter box! Food for the animals, medicine for each family member, clothes for a few days.
I can't think of what else is really important. Instead of packing everything into my van...I'm sitting here posting...trying to decide if it's really necessary to put it all in one place, or if making a list is enough. I'm wondering if I am in denial that the fire will come this way again...or if I'm being optimistic that it won't. My head hurts from breathing smoke all day, and I just want to go to sleep.
Just to add to the fun and excitement... Sport threw-up this afternoon, I think that it was a reaction to all of the smoke. Thank goodness I have a carpet cleaning machine in my garage (actually, I have two)...and although I think that it is a god-send everytime someone throws-up on the carpet, I will not be adding it to my list of things to take, in an emergency. I sure hope that Sport feels better soon, I sure hope that we don't have to evacuate, and I sure hope that the fire season passes quickly, and that no more lives are lost...and that no more homes are lost.
I would say...breathe in...breathe out...but with all of the smoke and particulate matter in the air, I'm thinking that wouldn't be too healthy...sigh
Three years ago, we were awaken at 1:30am by a neighbor pounding on our front door telling us that the development up the hill from us was being evacuated, and that we should start packing up our cars....which we did. At 2:30am the county sheriff was pounding on our front door, recommending that we evacuate our home which we didn't. It wasn't a mandatory evacuation...just a strong suggestion.
Last time, I remember looking at the stuff that I chose to pack, and at the stuff that I chose to leave behind...It made me realize that I have lots of stuff. a lot of unnecessary stuff. Evidently I haven't done a darn thing about it...because here it is three years later and I still have way too much stuff.
This time, I am somewhat at a standstill re: what to pack. I've gotten together some of the family photos (including computer disks)...but not all of them. I've made a list of things to remember to put in the car...just in case. On my list I've written down that I should grab the important papers(including my moms), two laptops (the family one, and mine from work), the desk top tower, picture boxes ( and I've put some loose pictures in a plastic container), Amber (the dogs) leash, the kitty's...their two carriers...and their litter box! Food for the animals, medicine for each family member, clothes for a few days.
I can't think of what else is really important. Instead of packing everything into my van...I'm sitting here posting...trying to decide if it's really necessary to put it all in one place, or if making a list is enough. I'm wondering if I am in denial that the fire will come this way again...or if I'm being optimistic that it won't. My head hurts from breathing smoke all day, and I just want to go to sleep.
Just to add to the fun and excitement... Sport threw-up this afternoon, I think that it was a reaction to all of the smoke. Thank goodness I have a carpet cleaning machine in my garage (actually, I have two)...and although I think that it is a god-send everytime someone throws-up on the carpet, I will not be adding it to my list of things to take, in an emergency. I sure hope that Sport feels better soon, I sure hope that we don't have to evacuate, and I sure hope that the fire season passes quickly, and that no more lives are lost...and that no more homes are lost.
I would say...breathe in...breathe out...but with all of the smoke and particulate matter in the air, I'm thinking that wouldn't be too healthy...sigh
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Can't A Girl Catch Her Breath?
I can't believe how quickly time has flown by since school/work started. It's already the end of September. Heck, I can't believe that this year is almost over.
Work has been keeping me really busy. I'm still working part-time, but instead of working a shorter day, five days/week, I am now working slightly longer days on four days. One would think that with one less day driving to work that I would have lots more time on my hands. Somehow, I don't = (
Elle's 14th birthday is this week. We're planning on going to Disneyland the end of the month to celebrate = ) Talk about time flying by...it feels like she was just born yesterday...sigh
Life here continues on a somewhat even keel...I'm not complaining, given the alternative. I'm still trying to find time for me. However, it seems to be elusive. I'm thinking someday in the not too distant future, I will have plenty of time on my hands...and then I'll look back on these days and maybe even long for them. It's hard to imagine having too much time on my hands. I'm guessing that I'll find things to do to fill up the time, but for now, I'm just look for some time to catch my breath.
Work has been keeping me really busy. I'm still working part-time, but instead of working a shorter day, five days/week, I am now working slightly longer days on four days. One would think that with one less day driving to work that I would have lots more time on my hands. Somehow, I don't = (
Elle's 14th birthday is this week. We're planning on going to Disneyland the end of the month to celebrate = ) Talk about time flying by...it feels like she was just born yesterday...sigh
Life here continues on a somewhat even keel...I'm not complaining, given the alternative. I'm still trying to find time for me. However, it seems to be elusive. I'm thinking someday in the not too distant future, I will have plenty of time on my hands...and then I'll look back on these days and maybe even long for them. It's hard to imagine having too much time on my hands. I'm guessing that I'll find things to do to fill up the time, but for now, I'm just look for some time to catch my breath.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
I Need A Room
Work started...waaaaaaa. I've been really busy scheduling kids and doing an inordinate amount of paperwork. Fortunately, paperwork and organizing schedules are two things that I am really good at, otherwise I would be up the proverbial creek. Unfortunately, the excessive amount of paperwork that I am required to do takes time away from what I really love to do which is to work with kids.
I am trying a somewhat new attitude this school year...I am attempting to let go of the expectation that I will actually have a room to work in at my high school. Last week I went to the school just knowing that there wouldn't be a room for me (since they unceremoniously moved someone else into my room with three weeks left in the school year last June...without giving me any notice or warning), and lo and behold...I wasn't disappointed. When the principal looked me in the eye and said that she couldn't get to it until the next week (meaning this week), I was able to smile and say...great, I look forward to coming back next week (now this week), instead of throwing a pissy attitude about how I am a professional and expect to be treated as such.
This reduced expectation doesn't preclude me from fretting about the way that I am treated at that particular school. It doesn't stop me from being pissed off that I have had to move eight, now nine times in the eight years that I have been serving that particular school. It doesn't stop me from resenting the principal's favorites who never have to move. The change in attitude just allows me to remain calm and not blow a gasket at least in that moment.
Today I am going back to that school. Despite the principal telling me that I would have a room this week, I am 99.999% sure that I won't. If you hear a loud thud this morning, it may just be me, fainting, if they actually assign a room to me. Breathe in...breathe out.
I am trying a somewhat new attitude this school year...I am attempting to let go of the expectation that I will actually have a room to work in at my high school. Last week I went to the school just knowing that there wouldn't be a room for me (since they unceremoniously moved someone else into my room with three weeks left in the school year last June...without giving me any notice or warning), and lo and behold...I wasn't disappointed. When the principal looked me in the eye and said that she couldn't get to it until the next week (meaning this week), I was able to smile and say...great, I look forward to coming back next week (now this week), instead of throwing a pissy attitude about how I am a professional and expect to be treated as such.
This reduced expectation doesn't preclude me from fretting about the way that I am treated at that particular school. It doesn't stop me from being pissed off that I have had to move eight, now nine times in the eight years that I have been serving that particular school. It doesn't stop me from resenting the principal's favorites who never have to move. The change in attitude just allows me to remain calm and not blow a gasket at least in that moment.
Today I am going back to that school. Despite the principal telling me that I would have a room this week, I am 99.999% sure that I won't. If you hear a loud thud this morning, it may just be me, fainting, if they actually assign a room to me. Breathe in...breathe out.
Friday, August 29, 2008
She said...she said
I think that I need to start carrying around a digital recorder. Either that, or a translator unit that can translate from teenager to parent and back.
Although my profession has trained me in the area of communication and communicative disorders, there seems to be a big gap with the communication between myself and Elle. For some strange reason, I am able to effectively communicate with Middle School and High School students, and have successfully done so for many years. However, I seem to be having great difficulty when it comes to communicating with my own daughter.
I wonder why that is. Could it be that I filter whatever she is saying to me through what I want for her?...or is it that she is filtering what I am saying to her through what she wants to hear? Either way, conversations, the past few days, have been ending with Elle screeching either "I never said that, don't put words in my mouth!", "You never said that, you're making this up now", or "You just don't understand!"...at which point Elle storms away from me.
I am running out now to go and get that digital recorder...sigh...breathe in...breathe out.
Although my profession has trained me in the area of communication and communicative disorders, there seems to be a big gap with the communication between myself and Elle. For some strange reason, I am able to effectively communicate with Middle School and High School students, and have successfully done so for many years. However, I seem to be having great difficulty when it comes to communicating with my own daughter.
I wonder why that is. Could it be that I filter whatever she is saying to me through what I want for her?...or is it that she is filtering what I am saying to her through what she wants to hear? Either way, conversations, the past few days, have been ending with Elle screeching either "I never said that, don't put words in my mouth!", "You never said that, you're making this up now", or "You just don't understand!"...at which point Elle storms away from me.
I am running out now to go and get that digital recorder...sigh...breathe in...breathe out.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
They're Back In School
Both my kids went back to school today, Elle to High School, and Sport to Middle School...and I feel really sad. This summer passed way too quickly and I am not ready for them to be back into the grind of school.
Homework, early morning wake-ups, rushed breakfasts, homework, afterschool activities, did I mention homework?
I miss my kids. Normally I would have gone to some Professional Development days (for work) but this year my district decided not to pay their employees to attend the "Buy Back Days"...so I decided to extend my summer vacation by 3 more days. I guess the price that I am paying for not going to those classes, is that I miss my kids...and they've only been gone for one hour...sigh
If I am feeling this blue when I know that I will see them both in a few hours, I can't imagine what I will feel like when they go off to college...shudder... breathe in...breathe out. This parenting thing is hard!
Maybe if Elle hadn't been so worried this morning about starting High School, getting her schedule, and finding her classes, I wouldn't be fretting so much. Hopefully when she arrives home this afternoon, she will have good, happy stories to tell me about her first day of High School. Sport on the other hand, went off to a new school (Middle School) happy as a clam. Hopefully his joy won't be squelched.
I wonder, if as a parent the worrying about your kids ever stops...and if so, when?
I'm going to try to distract myself...sitting here fretting is not going to make the day go any faster...I'm going to head to the nearest big box store for some retail therapy...breathe in...breathe out.
Homework, early morning wake-ups, rushed breakfasts, homework, afterschool activities, did I mention homework?
I miss my kids. Normally I would have gone to some Professional Development days (for work) but this year my district decided not to pay their employees to attend the "Buy Back Days"...so I decided to extend my summer vacation by 3 more days. I guess the price that I am paying for not going to those classes, is that I miss my kids...and they've only been gone for one hour...sigh
If I am feeling this blue when I know that I will see them both in a few hours, I can't imagine what I will feel like when they go off to college...shudder... breathe in...breathe out. This parenting thing is hard!
Maybe if Elle hadn't been so worried this morning about starting High School, getting her schedule, and finding her classes, I wouldn't be fretting so much. Hopefully when she arrives home this afternoon, she will have good, happy stories to tell me about her first day of High School. Sport on the other hand, went off to a new school (Middle School) happy as a clam. Hopefully his joy won't be squelched.
I wonder, if as a parent the worrying about your kids ever stops...and if so, when?
I'm going to try to distract myself...sitting here fretting is not going to make the day go any faster...I'm going to head to the nearest big box store for some retail therapy...breathe in...breathe out.
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