I feel as if I am walking a fine line. Twelve has been complaining since the end of the summer, that her friend, formerly known as Eventempered, is a B*tch! I observed some of the b*tchy behavior when the two girls were volunteering at a Girl Scout Camp for 1 week in August.
I've also observered, in the past, Twelve acting the same way towards Eventempered, and spoke to her about her behavior at that time. Now they have two classes together, and Twelve complains about Eventempered to me at least once a week.
Eventempered's mother and I remain friends. We are both there for each other, willing to pick up each other's younger children from school, when needed. We are both aware of the current unrest between our two angelic daughters.
I have found out about a fabulous Girl Scout event that is set to take place in January. Twelve does not want me to tell Eventempered's mother about the event, because she does not want Eventempered to go (even driving seperately with her mother). I feel awkward because I know that my friend would definitely want Eventempered to attend this event, yet I cannot mention the event (which is being put on by a different service unit) to my friend because Twelve is adamant that she does not want Eventempered attending this event. (The only way that my friend would find out about this event is if I tell her about it)
Now I have to be careful what I say to my friend, and certainly as January approaches, remember to keep my mouth shut. That is not an easy thing for me to do. Have you ever found yourself in a situation like this? If so, what did you do?
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13 comments:
Ahhh...the joys of teenage girls. I don't miss being one of those...for real.
Anyway, I personally feel that Twelve has put you in a bad spot and that she shouldn't expect this from you. Maybe this is because this would have never flown with me and my mother. But if she is having problems with Eventempered, then she's going to have to learn to deal with them. Trying to stop her from attending something that Twelve is going to be attending is not the proper route to take. And, as I said, it puts you in a bad spot since you are friends with her mother. As Twelve gets older she's going to learn the hard way that sometimes you have to deal with people that you don't really like. It's sucky, but it's how it goes and it builds character.
But that's just my opinion based on how my mother dealt with me when I got into periods where I didn't like my friends.
I would feel sort of the same, that it's a hard spot to be in. Once your friend finds out (later, and she will) about the event, she'll wonder why you never told her.
I would tell Twelve that you're going to tell your friend but just tell her once and don't bring it up again.
Maybe by then Twelve and Eventempered will get along again, stranger things happen, right?
This is tough. I've never faced this type of situation as an adult, but it looks like Armalicious's mother and mine may have checked out the same book at the library.
Lynn I absolutely agree with Armalicious. 12 is going to be a moody teen for the next 5 years and if you allow her to blackmail you now you will be forced into the same position many time. You must tell the other mother if only once. If 12 isn't happy, trust me she will live and get over it.
All I can think is how terrible I was to Auntie E and I regret it every day even at 64!!! Don't let 12 put you in that position ever because when the next 5 years are over, she will say "I can't believe you put up with me". I cried when I said that to Auntie E.
Remember, she is the kid, you are the parent!!!
I'm sorry you are in this situation but gosh, I would definitely tell your friend. Are you sure your friend can't find out any other way? I know that it might not be the right way but I just figured that maybe a middle ground rather than all one way. Get someone else to tell her.
I dunno but either way, your friend should be notified. You would want to know about it if the shoe was on the other foot, wouldn't you? I know I would. I'm sure you will make the right decision. You always do! I have confidence in you.
You can't avoid people you don't like. Lock them in a room together and force them to hash it out.
Well, a twelve year old can't be allowed to interfere in your friendship. If Eventempered wants to go, and twelve doesn't, she can stay home. Sigh. In these situations, it's time to pull rank, and bark orders. The school year is young now, things might change in the kids' relationship in time for both to attend anyway...
I'm of the same mind as the others. You're the parent. You have to pull rank here.
Tell your friend about the event.
January is a long way off and the girls may be "buds" again.
They are going through a difficult age, and you get to go through it with them.
Definitely tell the other mom. More damage would be done by not telling and having her find out later. And, as stated by others, this whole conflict with the girls may blow over. And then flare up again. Then blow over again. Then... But meanwhile, your friendship will remain intact and if nothing else, that is a good example for the girls.
You should tell the other mom. She is your friend. If Twelve is too upset to attend the event if the girl formerly known as Eventempered goes, that is her choice.
Armalicious - Very sound advice that certainly set the tone for that which followed. You have a very wise mom;~)
Sari - Twelve and Eventempered have had an on-again off-again friendship since 3rd grade. Now that they're older...it's hard to fathom that they will ever be on again, but stranger things have happened.
Ms. Chica - Consider yourself lucky that you've never faced this situation as an adult. I'm thinking it's because people that know you, know that you don't want to get involved in the drama.
The Moose Buyer - Wow, you must have been quite a teenager. I don't remember giving my mother such a hard time, probably because she wouldn't have stood for it.
Michele - I know for sure that the only way my friend will find out about the event, is if I tell her. Thanks for the vote of confidence.
Egan - Were you raised with any sisters? If I put Twelve and Eventempered into a room together to hash it out, the result would be WWIII! shudder
Ralph -Sir, yes sir!
Patti - It seems that since I already went through this 'difficult age', I should either be an expert, or exempt. Why is it that I am neither?
Pam - You're right about the damage that would be done, and about setting a good example. Boy oh boy is it tough to be a parent!
Meno - Spoken like one who has been there and done that. Tell me, now that Em is older, is it easier? Or are the problems bigger?
I've got a sneaky solution for you. ha ha ha!
have the person who contacted you about the event tell Eventempered's mom! You could say to this person, ya know I lost the info about that event and wanted to share it with ETMom, would you mind sending it to her?
Then you're off the hook and you can honestly say that YOU did not tell ETMom.
Renee - You are brillant! However, that would still be giving Twelve the power that everyone is telling me should be mine. sigh
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