I'm On Vacation!

I'm on vacation! woo hoo! I can't believe this week has finally passed. I know that my week off will pass quickly too, but I'm trying not to think about that right now.

Twelve got an "A" on her Science test, so she is feeling duly rewarded for her effort. Ten had a great baseball game this evening, so he's feeling good about how he played. I'm feeling relieved that I won't have to go to work next week.

There is so much that I wish I could accomplish this week, so much that I think I should accomplish this week, and realistically only so much that I will accomplish. The trick is to figure out a way that I won't be disappointed or frustrated when I don't accomplish many of the things that I want to. It's hard to look at the mountain of "stuff" on my desk, and not feel stress. This is one task, that if completed, would give me alot of satisfaction. Unfortunately, I know that I don't have enough time to be able to dig through all of the clutter currently on the top of my desk. I really don't even know where to begin. I look at my desk and become overwhelmed.(all that comes to mind is that I need to take a shovel (or backhoe) and throw everything in the trash). I know that cleaning off my desk is not something that I will be able to complete and cross of my list of things to do. So... realistically, I'll end up settling for doing some of the other things on my to do ... knowing that even if I cross off 25 items on that list, I will not be satisfied because my desk will still look awful!

Quite the dilemna! Do I partially do the one task that will leave me feeling satisfied, or do I pick a task that I will be able to complete?

I Couldn't Dance Tonight

I am so disappointed! The Board of Directors annual meeting for the association where I live was held tonight. I got snookered into being on the board 7 years ago. For the past 6 years, I have said that if someone else wanted to be on the board, I would happily step off. For the past 6 years, no one else has been dumb enough to want to run...until this year. There are two openings on the board this time...my position, and the board presidents position. Two people, plus the board president were vying for for the two open positions. I have been counting down the days until the meeting tonight where I anticipated being relieved of my board position.

The voting was by secret ballot. What this meant was that people filled out their ballots, put them in an envelope, and put that envelope into an outer envelope that contained their name, address, signature. Unfortunately, someone at the management company made a mistake and accidentally opened up the outer envelopes. When these outer envelopes were delivered to the "election ballot counter" she could not verify that there wasn't any ballot tampering. (you must be kidding me...the future of the free world does not hinge on this election!) So the election could not take place tonight. It has to be postponed until the end of April. I remain on the board. Darn it...I wanted to dance with joy out of the room tonight... now, I have to wait two months until I can dance.

I Need A Vacation

I am so stressed out at work that I can hardly think straight. This has been an emotionally challenging week and I just can't wait for it to be over... my mother keeps telling me not to wish my life away...I'm not, I'm just wishing this particular week away. I definitely need a vacation! Fortunately, I will be off of work next week. Nothing special planned since Ten and Twelve's vacation does not coincide with mine. (phooey)

The door has been ceremoniously rehinged. Twelve certainly put forth the effort to study for the Science test and earned the door back. I told her that I am proud of her effort. When I asked her how the test went today, she said that it was really easy. (amazing what studying can accomplish!) I really don't care what grade she gets now on her Science test, although it would be nice for Twelve to be rewarded with a good grade on the test, since she actually studied for it. Hopefully Twelve learned something this week, and hopefully it will stay with her. As for me...it will not be Friday soon enough!

Parental Tantrum Time

I feel like whining, stamping my feet,pouting, and acting like a two year old...thanks to Twelve. Here's why... Twelve has been taking an acting class once a week. This is the third session that Twelve has participated in. The first two sessions ended with a regular class...nothing more, nothing less. Tonight, right before Twelve got out of the car to go into the class she told me that they were putting on a performance tonight and she did not want me to come.

Now keep in mind that every week, I am the only parent who sits in the car outside of the studio and uses that hour to read a book, or catch up on phone calls. All of the other parents, drop their kids off and leave (probably to be much more productive than I am!). So, when Twelve told me that she did not want me to come to the performance tonight, I assumed (foolishly) that none of the other parents would be there, and that Twelve didn't want to be the only student with a parent there. WRONG!!!!!!!

As I sat in my car, speaking on the phone to a friend, I watched as the 4 other students parents arrived at the studio and all lined up to enter and watch the performance. And let me tell you, I was hurt and pissed off!!!!!

I felt that I couldn't enter the studio, because Twelve had specificially told me that she didn't want me there, but boy did I feel like cr*p! I felt rejected (which I was), I felt angry that Twelve didn't give a damn about my feelings, I felt unappreciated, andI felt hurt.

At the end of the class/performance, Twelve came bounding out to the car and started telling me how she did a great job and didn't forget any of her lines. I couldn't help myself...instead of supporting her in how well she felt she did with her performance, I let her know that what she did to me was very hurtful and rude. I told her how difficult it was for me to sit there while every other parent was invited into the performance by their child. Twelve said "I'm sorry, but if you would have been there, I would have been too nervous". We had quite the dialogue about support and expectations. (I questioned her re: her perception of my support and whether she felt that I expected her to be perfect.) We had quite the conversation, and although she apologized about 3 times, I wasn't ready to accept her apology.

Twelve knew that I was hurt and pissed off and tried to make it better by offering to help with dinner. To be perfectly honest, I didn't want her anywhere near me and it took all of my self control to allow her to help me. Do I think that this was Twelve's way of getting back at me and punishing me for removing her door? It may have been, but that doesn't excuse the behavior, and it certainly doesn't make me feel any better. The bummer is that now Twelve wants me upstairs to help her study for her science test tomorrow and I don't want to. I'm hurt and I'm mad and I don't want to be near her right now! I know that as a mother, I have to suck it up, go upstairs and help her study. I do have to help her right? (please say I don't have to, please don't make me do it...I really don't want to!) What I want right now, is some time away from her, and a good pouting, crying, yelling, weeping session.

Still Unhinged

Here's the most recent door update. Twelve completed (although reluctantly) all three of the extra credit projects (it turned out we had to go to the teaching zoo this weekend, because the quarter ends this coming Friday, and the extra credit stuff needed to be in before then). Twelve turned in all of the papers/receipts which served as proof today. (I think her Science teacher was surprised!).

Twelve had quite the attitude last night when I told her that I expected that she would attend the Science study session today after school. ("I'm not going"..."Oh yes you are"...was the theme). You would think that she'd want to attend since getting the door back now "hinges"(groan) on how much effort she puts into her Science test.

Checked my calendar during work this morning...realized Twelve had a doctor's appointment right after school today (doop!). Had to e-mail Twelve's 7th period teacher to ask him to please let her know that she would not be able to attend the Science study session today and that I would pick Twelve up from school.

Twelve looked none to happy that I was parked right in front of the school to pick her up today (too bad!)...but I did detect a smug look on her face...who could blame her, since she ended up getting her way (which was to NOT attend the study session)? Twelve knows that I expect her to study for the test on Wednesday. Fortunately for me, Twelve has an acting class that she takes on Tuesday nights, and she loves this class. I told her that if I ask her questions from the study guide tomorrow afternoon, and she is unable to answer them, she will not be allowed to go to her acting class tomorrow night.

Currently, she is upstairs "studying"...I hope she gets her science grade soon... a lot "hinges" on it.

An Analytical Mind

It was pointed out to me recently by Patti of Late Boomer Bloomer that I appear to have an analytical mind. Although Patti and I have only recently met as blogger pals (as opposed to pen pals), I think her observation is very "right on".

For my whole life, up until now, I've been interested in why things are the way that they are, why things happen, and how things work. For me it's never been enough to just observe something, I've always tried to figure stuff out...whether it's been something mechanical, emotional, or just part of everyday life.

Up till now, this has served me well. I can change a door lock (but not pick one, although if I had been inclined to learn how to pick one, I certainly could have "picked that skill up"), I seem to catch on pretty quickly when someone explains something new to me (as long as what they are saying is logical)...although I'm not as quick as I used to be. So far, I am pretty much able to keep up with new technology (although I'm finding that Ten and Twelve are not so far behind me!).

I'm also finding that there is a part of me that doesn't seem to care to figure everything out anymore. I can't seem to work up the energy to want to. The need to understand how and why things are, the way they are, is lessening... This worries me! Does this mean that my mental capacity is deteriorating, that my ability to learn new things is diminishing, that I am losing my mind, brain cell by brain cell? Could it be that I am becoming less analytical? Could I be relaxing more as I get older? Or...could it be that am I just getting old?

Twelve's Questions

Twelve has some questions she would like answers to...

1. Why do those signs say "In Case of Fire, do not use elevator"? How would you put out a fire with an elevator?

2. Why do people constantly return to the refridgerator hoping that something new to eat will have materialized?

3. How come people tell you to stay a kid as long as you can, but the moment you do something childish, they tell you to grow up?

4. Does water float?

Answers to these questions will be appreciated.