A Call For Help

I need some help! I had a situation in my Girl Scout troop (7th and 8th grade girls) in which one of the girls (we'll call her "Flinger") "flung spit" (while her father was standing right behind her) onto the face of another girl (who just happened to be my daughter), because "Flinger" was mad at something my daughter did (I'll explain this later).

Now let me digress for a moment and state as objectively as I can, that Flinger had behavioral issues since joining the troop (a few years). She behaved both disrespectfully and rudely to not only the other girls in the troop, but also to my co-leader and myself at every meeting/event, monopolizing the conversation and speaking when anyone else would try to speak, often speaking at the same time. My co-leader and I tried to work with this girl to help her be more respectful, speaking not only with this girl, but with her parents as well. Her behavior never changed. In fact it became worse.

When a child is 2 or 3 or 4 or even 5 years old, allowances need to be made to help teach correct behavior, I believe this is the job of the parents. When a child reaches the age of 14 years one would assume that they have been taught right from wrong and acceptable behavior from unacceptable behavior. (I realize that there are some children with disabilities who may not understand this concept, but that is not the case here). This girl knew what she did was wrong but chose to act out of anger and frustration anyway. I felt that this "flinging" behavior constituted "crossing the line" of acceptable behavior.

Now for Twelve’s part in the story. Twelve was rude to Flinger after the meeting. While Flinger was playing her flute (which she wasn't supposed to be doing) my daughter rudely kept saying "Make her stop, make her stop". Not to excuse Twelve’s behavior (there were consequences for her), but what Twelve did was really give "Flinger a taste of her own medicine" on a much lesser scale. (Flinger had been talking and interrupting the other girl scouts, my co-leader and me throughout the whole meeting). Instead of using her words, Flinger attacked my daughter....and as a result after much soul searching, I "dismissed" Flinger from the troop.

Fast forward a few months to now and to the problem that I need help with. We chose not to make a big deal of the fact that Flinger was out of our troop. (We felt that losing the privilege of being in the troop was consequence enough, and we didn't want to embarrass this girl unnecessarily). Twelve was instructed to tell anyone who asked that they should speak to Flinger directly. Well for the past week, one of the girls in the troop has been very mean to Twelve by saying things such as "It's your fault that Flinger got kicked out of the troop", and "I'm mad at you". Twelve's response has been quite mature. She has told this girl that the reason Flinger is out of the troop was because of Flinger's behavior, not because of anything that Twelve did. But these remarks are hurting Twelve’s feelings.

We are supposed to have a meeting Friday afternoon. Do I gather all the girls together and tell them what really happened, do I talk to the one girl who is "bothering" Twelve, or do I say and do nothing and let it (hopefully) work itself out? Do YOU have any suggestions?